How beautiful a relationship with God truly is.  The Holy Scriptures are filled with promises and examples of how much God loves us and how unconditionally His provision is for all of us, the saved and the lost alike.  Yet time and again, we take our eyes off Christ and put them on man and are dismayed when they fall. The sin nature is an ugly thing.  I really don't like it at all.  But then the word tells us to hate sin and love the law which is God's perfect plan for our lives.

My struggle comes when I search for Christ in my brothers who are called to be leaders in the body of Christ.  I often find it shallow or missing entirely.  I see their gifts of excellent speech, smooth talkers almost likened to used car salesmen of the 70's. Slick talk and little in the way of love to follow that talk.  I've been personally encountering leaders who are deep in crisis spiritually. Some know it, some don't.  Or maybe they know it and are too afraid to show their human-ness to those of us "regular" folks. 

One leader talks with a forked tongue that is so visible, it embarasses me to even be seen talking personally to him.  I thank God for each day of my life I don't have to see the man, speak to him or have any encounter with him. I've re-arranged my days off at work so I don't have to attend his "community" meetings where he speaks so glossily of how wonderfully we're doing.  All the while he's cut my hours, my benefits and insisted that I increase our numbers "rating" of guest comments on less time and no benefits.  How can I support his endeavors when I don't agree with them at the very core of my being?  I struggle with his incessant demands to serve him and him alone while he allows his entire staff to flounder in discouragement and dismay.  So I freely confess to all who would listen (him included) that I practice of the fine art of avoidance. I've grown quite good at it.  It's so much easier to me not to have to deal with this wolf in a sheep's clothing. It helps me not to question his service to God, his salvation or his evil, destible love of money.  I'd rather not think on those things. Besides, I've got scripture that backs up my belief that I am not required to think on those things.

Another leader preaches about controlling one's anger or better yet channeling it constructively toward God so it can be divinely handled while he tosses his wife out on her ear.  How can someone preach what they themselves are not practicing? Again, I've chosen not to dwell on it too intensely. It's there so I'm not playing "ostrich".  No, instead I'm filing it away and turning most of this over to God because it's too contradictory for me to handle.  It makes me angry, so I channel my anger and let God handle it... absorbing the preached lesson and putting it to good practice. I pray he's doing the same. I also pray for reconcilliation within his own home.

What's with these leaders?!  Don't they know people are watching?  Aren't they painfully aware that everytime you step outside the path the enemy has lookouts planted to see every move and report back?  Aren't they concious of the fact that with every deceit and every lie and every false move that someone is getting hurt? Aren't they atune to "what you sow is what you will later reap - in abundance"?! 

I too, am a leader. I lead a small staff of 12. They are mine and I am theirs.  I can trust that the words that come out of my mouth will later come out of theirs.  I watch it happen day in and day out.  How many times I hear back ,"I'll wash my hands!" or better yet ,"Wash your hands!" thrown back at me because it is my mantra.  I repeat what I want repeated. I do what I want done. I treat as I want treated. We show respect.  We listen.  We pay attention. We correct. We focus.  We take care of one another. 

Here are some interesting facts I have noted in the last two years.  My staff has doubled every year since I've arrived where I am.  I had 3, then I had 6 and now I have 12. I can't fathom 24, but with this trend anything is possible. That happened years ago with my income. Oh, but then I stepped off the path that God had laid out for me and it promptly came to an end.  I learned that lesson well.  Now on the flip side I've watched both these leaders lose, lose, lose. I've watched people quit, leave, move, get fired, go away or be tossed out. Instead of bounty and blessing I'm seeing great loss and severe reduction. I'm seeing church giving (not my giving) go way down. This year alone the giving is down $40K and it's only June.  At work, staff is missing like crazy.  Jobs are being merged, benefits cut, hours cut (yet my staff doubles??) and its like some weird exodus out of some movie.  I want a copy of this script so I can begin re-writing.

Can't they see the writing on the wall (another bible reference - look it up)?  Don't they know that these behaviors and unlikely results are linked?  Can't they simply see that if they started actually treating people better that their overall life and situations they find themselves in will simply change?  Why don't they understand that you really do reap what you sow?  Didn't anyone teach them this? Why aren't they teaching us this?  Where is the compassion, the heart, the giving, the loving nature that God supernaturally planted inside of them at conversion?

I'm not giving up. I'm digging in. I'm working harder. I'm doing more and I'm seeing fantastic results both personally as well as in my career.  I'm growing as a leader. I'm getting more done and we're doing great things. Not because these leaders are leading me to it, but because I'm trusting in God.  I don't look to man to solve my problems anymore. Thats been gone for some time now.  I've taken my eyes off man and now they are on God.  It's going to stay that way, that's my commitment and my covenant to God.  Pray for our leaders, they need all the help they can get.

One of life’s most frustrating things for me is when I forget the goodness of God.  God is continually teaching me, changing me and bringing me into closer fellowship with him.  But from time to time as with any normal human on earth, the sin nature gets in the way of that fellowship and I sometimes forget.  I forget the good things He’s already done.  I forget what His word promises He will do and has done.  I forget the lessons He has taught me. I forget the gentle whispers into my spirit. This grieves me. 

In the song Turn! Turn! Turn! Which is an adaptation of Ecclesiastes 3, the Byrds remind us that all things are done in proper season.  For me, this has begun the season of remembrance.  This is different from the season of mourning or the season of thanksgiving.  God has been taking me gently by the heart and leading me forward into the season of remembrance.  Those things which I had forgotten are now coming forward, back the beginning of my thoughts where they once were when He first taught them to me. 

One of the lessons that God is bringing forward, once again and reminding me that He taught me is this… “It is not important where you began or how the middle was… but your endings are the most important.”  He illustrated this truth to me through King Uzziah.  King Uzziah was a wonderful king, likened to King David in reign and rule. There was prosperity, goodness, peace and plenty when King Uzziah sat on the throne. However, pride welled up in King Uzziah and he went somewhere he shouldn’t have, (the temple) and did something he was not called and anointed to do, (burn incense in the temple. ) Because he stepped so far off the path, what happened next could not be undone and was in essence his own undoing.  He was immediately struck with leprosy and eventually died an exile.  He did not have a very good ending. 

Jesus on the other hand, had an amazing ending.  For Him it must have been agony to die the human death he endured… one we can never comprehend.  It would be like taking your worst day ever and times it times a million… something incomprehensible.  Yet His ending was so phenomenal that it changed an entire planet forever!  He has a meager beginning with average people in unusual circumstances.  His middle was no different than yours or mine. But it was His ending (which in essence was a beginning) that would endure forever!

I’ve not always been so pleased with my beginnings.  They have often been harsher than I thought personally necessary.  My middles have been filled with struggles and victories… but it’s my endings that are always the most important thing.  How I end a season is the most important thing because it will be my last lesson or last memory or last experience that I will be left holding when the season passes and another comes forward.  I don’t always know what the next season will bring, I’m hoping for a bit of prosperity and maybe some ease for my husband.  Regardless of what it is, I’d like to look back on this last season and not remember all the pain and tears.  I’d like to remember the exciting days of each moment that I knew without a doubt that God really was with me, I could really hear His voice and see evidence of His love.  I’d like to go out with a smile, a bang, a shout and feeling as though I mattered for once.

I’ve been happy with this season of healing.  That’s what it was… and now God has declared I’m CURED!  He not only told me He healed me, He did it, showed it to others and shouted it out for all to see! We celebrated with bells, balloons and cupcakes. 

When it’s time for God to move you out of your comfort zone… and believe me if you’re comfortable, He WILL move you!  Determine to be happy, even if you are sad for the change.  I promise and so does God that it will be okay. He has better plans for you.  I know it might seems great just as it is… but it can always be better and God knows exactly how it can be better.  Don’t be a King Uzziah and be filled with self righteous pride at what you did. Because dear friend, it wasn’t you… it was God - through you.  Allow Him to continue to work through you.  Choose the right ending, you’ll thank yourself later.