Right, so I go through these phases where I just want to wipe out
every thing that I've posted on here and just start over. It's slightly
ridiculous, I realize, but at the same time, it's my blog, so I don't
feel badly about it at all...
It's the first day of summer, and
I've now been in Chicago for almost five months. Which is nice. The
weather's getting nicer, and it's just, a better city when it's this
nice outside. Quite the difference from North Carolina; weather wise.
It's more pleasant, a little cooler, and a lot breezier. So, that makes
things really decent. I'm not sure why I'm rambling on about the
weather. It's slightly asinine of me.
Either way, I've been in
Chicago now for five months, and I've lost my job with United as a
result of the fuel crisis. Nice deal, eh? But it works out, because now
I'm getting more involved in church, finding my "roots" so to speak in
God, and working at the GAP. Which is a lot less stressful. Actually,
it's not at all stressful, who am I kidding.
It just hurts your back a little bit.
So,
yeah, that's where it's at... I'm going to hopefully be going back to
school this fall or spring semester. I need to... I need to get into
school and actually do well. It's absurd if you really think about it.
I could spout off numerous reasons as to why I don't believe it's my
fault, or about how I feel that a school should just give me a degree
because of my obvious intellect. However, that's not going to happen
unless I light a fire under my ass and get it done. And, so what if
stuff has happened to me? Who really cares about all of that? I'm being
given a second (actually, to be more accurate, this would be my, what,
fourth?) chance. I need to make the most of it. Get a degree and stop
lamenting about how I just can't do this, or do that.
Bleh.
I
came across a great passage a few days ago in my readings. I mean, I'd
known about it, but at the same time, I reread it, and it was
especially poignant the other day, given the situations I was in...
Matthew 6: 19-34
This is Jesus speaking by the way,
19. "Do
not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust
consume and where thieves break in and steal; but store up for
yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moths or rust consumes
and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure
is, there your heart will be also. 22. "The
eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole
body will be full of light; but if your eye is unhealthy, your whole
body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness,
how great is the darkness! 24. "No
one can serve two masters; for a slave will either hate the one and
love the other, or be devoted to the one and despise the other. you
cannot serve God and wealth."
That first passage is
obviously saying that you cannot serve two masters. Duh, way to be
obvious, eh Jordan? But at the same time, it's specifically talking
about God and money. For me, it's talking about God and pleasure. For
you it might totally be speaking of something completely different. But
you cannot serve both God and ... whatever you're doing.
25. "Therefore
I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you
will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more
than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the
air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, yet your heavenly
Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And can any of
you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? 28. "And
why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how
they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in
all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes
the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown
into the oven, will he not much more clothe you - you of little faith? 31. "Therefore
do not worry, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or
'What will we wear?' For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these
things; and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these
things. But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness,
and all these things will be given to you as well. 34. "So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today."
Particularly
nice to me... especially since that day, I was really worrying about
how I was going to pay rent (I have yet to pay rent for June... just
waiting on my first paycheck from the GAP). But, why should I worry
about it, especially when I've already given it up to God. He knows
what I need.
Alright, so those are my points for today. Maybe tomorrow I'll have something new for you.
Possibly. Haha.
Also,
since this is the rechristening of my "page", I want to make something
clear to you. I'm a Christian (if you haven't already gathered that),
but I'm also gay. Not through some choice I made (because I would've
chosen to be heterosexual... duh), but because this the way that I was
made. And God loves me, and everyone else, regardless of what we have
done.
I'm not trying to convert anyone else, but perhaps
provide an outlet. A way for people who have been marginalized by a
church, just as I was to realize that it wasn't God that was doing
those things to you. God didn't forget about you, and he didn't forsake
you. He still wants to be close to you (don't roll your eyes), and he's
sorry that some of his 'followers' treated you in such a bad manner...
Just open your heart to him.
That being said, if I were to convert someone, wouldn't that be suh-weet?!
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