Wednesday, July 23, 2008
-
God Knew I'd Deal With Childhood Neglect
Several weeks ago, I wrote about wanting to get some counseling through my church. Well, I'm happy to tell you that I didn't chicken out and I went to see a counselor at the beginning of this month. We've only met twice so far, but she's been really great and feel like this is definitely what God wanted me to do.We've mostly discussed my relationship with my dad, which is non-existent most of the time, and kind of hostile when we do interact. Even though my parents are still married, and I had a decent childhood overall, I'm still dealing with stuff that my dad (and sometimes my mom) did or didn't do as a parent. I guess it's all rising to the surface now that I am living with them again after spending several years being an independent adult.
The broken relationships and my hurts won't heal overnight - maybe not even within a handful of counseling sessions - but one thing God told me last week was that he is not surprised by the way my life turned out.
I know that sounds a little strange - I mean, after all he is God - he's omniscient! But it never occurred to me that God knew what my childhood would be like, how my dad would be, and how that would affect me as an adult. He didn't make a mistake and say, "Oops, I gave you the wrong dad! Sorry, no returns!" He's not surprised, it's not a mistake, he loves me just the same, and really, I'm going to be okay. I know it sounds a little "Stuart Smalley" (from SNL), but they're true and I'm taking great comfort in these words right now.
What's God been telling you lately? Have you ever been surprised that God's not surprised?
-
recommend
- recs 0
- give stars
- votes 0
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
Post a Comment
- Back to revelife's Revelife Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in revelife's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (22)
This is really pertinent to me because lately I've been dealing with my view of God as a result of childhood issues. He showed me that my life has been a process, not a random series of events and that ever since I've been old enough to understand, His hand has been working to help me climb out of my issues. I know from experience that His love can heal the wounds.
I know that healing is available, and I pray that you will find it in His embrace.
I'm glad you were able to find comfort in knowing that this does not catch God by surprise. In fact, He wanted your father to be just the way he is because all things work together to the good to those that love God. Also, now that you know what the issues are you are you are free to heal.
I went through a simmilar experience. I had a string of unhealthy relationships. I couldn't understand for the life of me why God would place these people in my path and in my family but then I realized that I was able to become stronger by getting over all the hurts they put me through. In turn, I was able to share my testimony and be a more effective wittness to others with simmilar experiences.
Stay encouraged and remember the battle is not your's. It belongs to the Lord.
Shanita Waters
By His Stripes We Are Healed, Author
www.waterplantgrowth.com
@nita105 - I agree with most of what you said, but not the fact that God wanted the OP's father to be hurtful. God does work everything out for good, but He never wants people to sin. The fact that the OP's father made mistakes was not something God desired or caused to happen. However, He will use those things in amazing ways. He allows things that are wrong to happen and then uses them for His glory, but that doesn't mean He wanted neglect or other wrongs to be done to the OP when she was a child.
@Pickwick12@xanga - Maybe I didn't word that correctly. Reading back with what you said, I think I need to rephrase that. What I was trying to say is that God alredy knew that those things had to happen in order for His ultimate will to be accomplish. Could God have made his will be done without Miss Hibiscus being hurt? Absolutely but there would be no glory in it for God. He has to take us through certain tests to bring us out with the TESTimony.
You are right. God is amazing! One of my favorite bible stories is about Joseph and the 12 brothers where after all that happened to Joseph and all his brothers did to hurt him he was able to say that what the enemy meant for bad, God used for good. This is oh so true! We don't have to accept defeat.
@nita105 - I agree with you! I hope I didn't sound too harsh :) It's really impossible for my little brain to understand how God can use evil for His glory, to the point that in the end our lives can be better than they would have been without our suffering.
@Pickwick12@xanga - not to harsh at all! Good conversation doesn't always mean both people agree 100%,. I also realize that I didn't expalin it very clearly in the first place. The blessing in it all is that God is still in control and His will will be done.
We have free will. The bible notes that God will not tempt us with nor will he excuse us to comit evil. He will however take a negative and use it for His glory once He fixes the situation.
Please see Genesis 50
But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive. (Genesis 50:20)
{the words of Joseph}
Well done. I'm glad you sought healing through councelling. I had an awful time as a child too. Councelling works, especially when God is in the equasion. Ephesians is a healing chapter as you are probably aware. There is a book called "When people are big and God is small" by Edward T.Welch that I found really useful also.May God bless & heal you soon.
I had a hybrid dad, too - great in some aspects, horrendous in others. I've had, and apparently still have, many authority issues to work out. But Abba has been healing me steadily for about 15 years through just about every type of ministry that I availed myself of (every way I gave Him an opportunity to reach inside and heal me).
My first memory healed was that of a moment in middle school years. My dad was angry with me about some choice I'd made. He came into my room and cornered me against the chest of drawers and the wall like a boxer (which he was in the Army). He began yelling at me red-faced like a drill sargeant. I remember putting my arms up over my head trying to protect myself from the force of his disapproval, but they sank into my marrow like radiation. I remember wishing he'd beat me physically instead so I could at least block some of the blows.
My counsellor suggest I invite Jesus into that memory while the emotions were still strong. When I did, He immediately stepped in between me and my dad. Dad tried to step around Him to get to me, but Jesus kept blocking him. All along He was saying, "If you want to yell at someone you yell at Me!"
Once my dad finally realize he wasn't going to get around Jesus, he looked up at Him and said, "But I've got to keep him from hurting himself!" Jesus looked him in the eyes, shook His head and said, "No!"
At that point my dad broke down and cried. "Good!" I thought to myself. "The bastard deserves a few tears of his own!" But then Jesus put his arms around him, held him and comforted him. That had the duel effect of making me feel indignant toward Jesus and yet sympathetic toward my dad.
I had to realize that He was my dad's God as well as mine. Eventually I was able to accept that. Once I did, a big part of my fear of authority had disappeared.
@AngelBeast777@xanga - That is a phenomenal testimony.
@Pickwick12@xanga - The ministry style is called Inner Healing. It was introduced most recently by Judith and Francis McNutt of Christian Healing Ministries. Its amazing what our God will do if we just invite Him to.
@AngelBeast777@xanga - I am familiar with it and have applied a similar concept to memories in my own life. God has worked amazingly through it. I am very blessed to have experienced it.
@Pickwick12@xanga - Most excellent!!! Have you been able to share it with others? I know some people are very resistent to it.
@ms_fat_pinkie - what kind of doubts? Have you expressed them to the Lover of Our Souls? I've already begun praying for you.
@AngelBeast777@xanga - I have tried to a little bit, yes.
There does seem to be a general resistance to it in some of the Christian community, which is odd, since it is about letting God into the counseling process. You would think Christians would be all up for that.
I hope this post can bless many. Yes, there has been terrific resistance to counseling of many types within various churches. Why? Well one reason is jealousy - the thought that application of knowledge and skill could help bring healing in the faith journey, not JUST faith and God's intervention.
We NEED to participate! And God has made us wondrously. we can HELP GOD do amazing things in our lives! But, we need to ASK, to SEEK, etc.
Another point of resistance is the inclusion of some secular ideas that may not co exist well with those of Divinity. Some psychology is very hostile to religion, and God. Freud wrote one book "the future of an illusion" HA! hard to be harsher than that!
Still, I am grateful for the ownership many Christians have taken in this field. Because of the odd ideas, this is necessary. I think God created us with abilities, and we must use them. In so do doing, we honor God. If the fruit is good, you know that tree is good. So I am grateful you have found a good counselor for you. Please always remain in God's loving care, and realize God will continue to guide you. There may come a time for you to leave that healing relationship, and God may bring others in and change them, or any combination.
I have many experiences with the healing of the memories; some were spontaneous prior to realizing it was put into use in a more formal way! God is alive, and His love so very healing.
thanks!
Thank you so much for posting this. Your timing is a blessing to me.
I have issues with my father as well. He and my mother haven't been together since I was nine (I am now nineteen) and even before then he was never really a big player in my life. Some of the earliest memories I have of him, even before the divorce, are of him in anger and neglect. (There was one time that particularly haunts me that he was watching tv when I was going to bed and I wanted a hug, but he pushed me off his lap. I know it's something small, but that has always stayed with me.) Not much changed after the divorce except he went from only being there in body to not being there at all. I think I saw him for a couple hours a month until he moved and remarried his first wife.
Then a couple years I decided I wanted to go live with him. (He was always nice when I was visiting family where he lives now, even though I never stayed with him, and I love that family there dearly.) I was there for five very stressful months when he decided the stress was too much for his other family and that he had to be more worried about them and sent me back to live with my mom.
Saturday I will be going to visit my brother (and his family) and my grandmother that live where my dad does, so I will inevitable see him and spend some sort of time with him since I'll be there three weeks. I haven't seen him since the day he put me on that plane sending me back; it's been two-and-a-half years now. I've been trying to deal with everything slowly and get myself prepared for it, especially since a few other not-so-kind things happened since then, but I've been swamped with schoolwork and everything else that demands a chunk of my attention, so I don't feel like I'm getting far. Even when I do feel like I get somewhere with it, some old memory comes up or something new happens and it's like I'm being pushed back to where I started in the first place. I know God is working with my heart on it, both with the hurt and resentment (and my need to forgive him), and that people are praying for me, the situation, and him, but sometimes it still feels like I'm on my own to deal with it all.
It helps to be reminded that He did know how (and where) I was going to end up and He is still there to comfort and restore us. He even knew how much we would mess up and the crappy decisions we would make and is still there to love us through that and still gave His son to die for us.
God has always been with. He knows your beginning from your end. :)
In His Love,
Jaime
I used to be upset at my father for never paying any attention to me. Then I became a mother, and I'm exactly the same way on the inside. It's just so hard to pay attention (doesn't help that I have ADD)! The only difference is that my experiences have left me sensitive to the situation, so I know what my son feels like when I don't pay attention. I am not destined to relive my father's mistakes.
Think of that when you are sad - having a father who didn't pay attention has made you a better person for it.
it gave me great comfort, too, when i came to the realization that nothing surprises God. nothing that i do and nothing i encounter in life will be too much for Him to handle. He will never consider me too complicated, too difficult, or too entrenched in my issues that he would give up on me.