Friday, August 15, 2008
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Can You Understand God's Grace While Retaining Your Bitterness?
by mr. pine
I have a friend (and this is not one of those times when I say "I have a friend" and I really mean ME...) who gets an "I wish you were dead!" stare from someone every time he encounters that person. This has been going on for well over 8 months now. He is somewhat baffled as to why this person hates him so much or that this person could hold onto so much resentment for so long. They are both church-goers and were congenial to one another before. But then something happened. Something just snapped. In the eyes of one, a crime was committed that was so heinous that the other, seemingly, can never be forgiven. This is sad because my friend committed the supposed "crime" with very good intentions - at least from my perspective.
I had a friend. I use the word "had" with much sorrow because a man who was once supposed to be one of my groomsmen someday now probably wants nothing more than to punch me in the nose... over and over again. He has broken off friendships with mutual friends because he asked them to chose between me and him. I've been told he gets red-in-the-face angry whenever he talks about me and what a wretched human being I am. It's not something I've done per se that put him in this place, but it is because of my character - who I am. I know I'm not perfect, but I never thought that I could be so bad that someone would hate me so much. I have nothing but love for the guy and would like nothing better than for him to let go of this rage toward me and live in peace.
See, I don't claim to have a perfect understanding of God's grace, but it is something that He reveals to me more and more as I live. At the same time He is (quite painfully) showing me just how imperfect I am and how my friend may be perfectly justified in calling me out on my character flaws - which makes His grace all the more awesome in my eyes. And I'm also learning that in response, I can do nothing that allows me to boast, "Hey, look at all this grace I have! I must be really special to God - unlike YOU!" In fact, it should be more the opposite response of "hey, this grace stuff is enormous! And it's all for... me?"
I think that one of the greatest demonstrations that you have an understanding about God's forgiveness of you is to forgive others as well. This is contrasted in the parable of the unforgiving servant where a wealthy man's servant was forgiven of a debt he could never realistically repay, but then the servant turned around and would not forgive another who owed him a relatively paltry sum.
Colossians 3:12-15 says:
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
I am convinced that if you find yourself saying that you can "never forgive" someone for something they did, you truly don't have any idea of how much you were forgiven... from what you were forgiven... how pointless and empty this life would be without His grace. Are you sure you knew what you were getting into when you signed up for this "Christian life" stuff?
Colossians 3:3 says: For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.
It doesn't say... "For you just needed a little help..." or "For you had a personality makeover..." or "For you took a break..." It says that you DIED. So why are you trying to resuscitate the anger and bitterness that you were a puppet to before you met Christ?
And the thing about bitterness is that it doesn't hurt anyone but the one who is bitter. Let it go. You have been saved by a tidal wave of grace - how can you withhold your teaspoonful? Whatever crime someone has committed, is it so bad that it was not covered by the cross? Does the sinner need all of God's grace plus a little of yours in order to be redeemed?
I will close with a quote. It's about how, for Christians, there is never an occasion that prohits one from showing another grace. I agree completely. I know it's hard to put into practice, as I am very petty sometimes as well. But I have to believe that this is one way we Christians must live differently than the world. Or else, what's the point?
You will never be called upon to give anyone more grace than God has already given you. - Max Lucado
Do you struggle with bitterness? Are there any people in your life that you have yet to "make things right" with?
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Comments (10)
I had a friend that, for a while, I avoided as much as I could. She would call and I would pretend to be too busy to answer. I felt that she wasn't friends with me because I am me, but because I would listen to what she had to say. She never seemed interested in how my day was going or what was going on in my life. So, instead of talking to her about it, I stopped answering her calls. I decided that it wasn't a friendship worth keeping.
This eventually caught up to me. I talked to her and we worked things out. But in the mean time, I hurt my witness to her. She made comments about how she couldn't understand how I could be trying to be more like Christ and yet treat her worse than I would a stranger.
"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."
- Matthew 25:40
Oops...
Great reminders. And thank you for your strong emphasis on Scripture.
Yes, I do struggle with bitterness when I keep focusing on myself and how I've been hurt...But when I turn my focus to Christ and the cross I begin to regain perspective and remember that His way is the way of forgiveness. When I see my sin against God, how can I begin even think about not forgiving my brother or sister their sin against me?
For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
The child of God who knows the grace of God can't keep living in unforgiveness and bitterness. The Holy Spirit won't let us live like that. We must continue to mortify the flesh that holds onto to past hurts and bitterness and walk in the Spirit who allows us to forgive and love as Christ has loved and forgiven us.
Thanks again for your much-needed exhortation to us.
People hold on to grudges more than they do the good things in life. I am totally guilty of holding grudges, but when you take a deep breath and reflect you realize that it's only you that's getting hurt by this. I know all too well how people feel that are being the end result of a grudge.
i think you've missed the difference between forgiving and forgetting. there are plenty of people who have wronged me, and i've forgiven them all...... but i would never give them a chance to do it again. and, considering the popular doctrine of Hell, not even God gives unlimited second chances.
God is good! He can heal bitterness. This is what I've learned from bitterness and God's grace...
I did hold a grudge for years with regards to my High School football Coach, because I feel like he didn't give me a fair shake as a Senior. I held on to a lot of bitterness about him playing a player in front of me that I'd blown off of the line of scrimmage so many times in practice and game-like situations. I held that bitterness for a long time, but then, my brother reminded me, "Jason, the guy who got the starting job instead of you, where is he now? Is he playing College Football on a scholarship, like you are?" At that time, I was on a scholarship, playing football, and would do so for four more years (I red-shirted one year). Since that time, that bitterness has long gone. Further, every one of my teammates, save two others, though they did play for a year or two, had shorter College Football Careers than I did, and the guy who was starting ahead of me didn't even play college ball. In fact, including my brother's graduating class, I can say with my brother and two others that I played four years of college Football (and then some, as my Alma Mater has an Alumni Game, in which graduates can come back and strap it on one more time agaisnt the varsity! I've played in three of those!!!!!!).
Further, in Junior High School, we moved from one end of Kentucky to another, and my seciond year of Junior High, and first year of High School, were horrendous. I was literally bullied by a dozen people EVERY day. During that time, Dad told me to pray fo those who were bulying, and though I didn't see the use at the time, I started to pray. By the end of my time in High School, every one of those former bullies (including 6-8 girls) were all friends or at least friendly. One of the girls who was one of the the main instigators of the bullying recently e-mailed me asking for prayer. I wept tears of joy, knowing that had I not done what Dad suggested, and prayed for her in Junior High, I would not have been able to pray for her then.
yeah... and it sucks... big time. it's a burden that takes more than i can handle to bear and it would be easier to just give it up. but we are a fallen people. maybe someday i won't be stone hearted person... someday i will learn God's grace... but i fall short of the glory of God... so i remain bitter... =(
i hope they burn in hell for all of eternity...kind of...okay, not really
I can relate...This summer I started growing apart from a close friend and also growing a lot bitterness towards him. I did forgive him but during that time it felt half-hearted.
Thanks for this post, it has opened my eyes. I think I can fully let go all this hate and truely forgive.
Oh wow, I just taught a lesson on almost this very same thing to my youth group! It was James 4:1-12, I would encourage any of you to come to my site and read the notes I posted: http://weblog.xanga.com/metal_core1/670346538/james-41-12.html .
In short, the answer is no. But a true worshiper of Christ will never stay bitter, the Holy Spirit will always bring them back to God through His grace! And then they receive more grace! God is so awesome in that way that we will never comprehend it! It makes me feel so comforted.
Sometimes its not about making things right - like when the other person can't or won't reconcile. Still forgiveness on our part is what is healthiest for us.
Unforgiveness is the poison we drink hoping the other person will die.