Tuesday, August 19, 2008
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Do You Let Your Things Rule You?
by mrs lily
Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve had to weed through my stuff and move across the country 4 separate times, or maybe it’s simply because my mom is a pack rat that I could never be one. I hate having too much stuff. I hate having things I don’t need, and chances are if I haven’t used them anytime recently I am not going to start to. Of everything that I have sold or given away over my lifetime, there are few things I even think twice about. When my husband and I moved from Washington and set out on our travels, I had the sudden desire to get rid of everything that I didn't need. Along with that came the realization that material things are simply that – replaceable, decaying things, and I had to trust that if I really needed them, the Lord would provide it when I needed it.
Once we got settled here in Texas I was somewhat antsy to start building a life here and acquiring pretty new things to replace the old ones. It seems like every time we tried to do so it didn’t work out, but one thing we did purchase was a set of towels. We ended up spending over $50 on them (that is a lot of money to me!), and within a week of use, more than half of them were bleached and ruined. I don't even use bleach. I hate looking at them. I was so upset that we had wasted so much money on something like that, just because I got emotional and wanted them. I was then reminded that they are just things, and if it didn’t happen now it would happen eventually, and anyway, they still work.I have been having extreme issues with my roommate moving out and how much she stresses over where to pack all of her belongings – all these belongings that she says she doesn’t know why she has, that she doesn’t like or never uses, but she keeps them, and it doesn’t seem to even occur to her that maybe she doesn’t need them. In a way, I understand that some things are sentimental and hard to part with, but sometimes I wonder why we get emotionally attached to our things in the first place.
Do you spend too much time worrying about your material possessions; say that brand new car or a special piece of clothing? Do you let your things rule you? Are you able to trust the Lord to provide the things you need when you need them?
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Comments (20)
i wouldn't say that i'm attached, but i'm very proud of what i own (except maybe my car..... but that was free). there are tons of things i own that i could do without... but technically, the human race got along great for thousands of years without electricity, cars, television or the internet. just because something is not required for survival, doesn't mean it's useless.
I totally feel you on this post! I was a classic pack rat. I held on to so many things from throughout my life, not because it had use but because I felt some kind of emotional attachment to it. I felt like if I threw away the birthday card someone gave me in middle school I was essentially throwing them away. I also had this constant thought 'I'm going to use it one day, so I'll hang onto it for a little longer.' That day never came so finally after much convincing from my hubs I decided to start clearing out the stuff in my life. I donated some of the items to folks that needed it, some of them of the items and others I just threw away.
I can't tell you what a sense of freedom and lightness getting rid of stuff gave me. I did the clearing out in phases, but eventually I got to a point where everything I have in my apt is now stuff I really use or stuff I really love and take care of.
I hope your roommate will be able to sort through everything and pare down her stuff. Good luck!
I have a hard time throwing things away, not because I value the thing so much but because of its sentimental value. I have a fear that throwing something away will lead to me forgetting the circumstances around the object and the place in my life where that object played a larger role in my life. Since I tend to forget about childhood memories pretty easily, it seems this fear might have some legitimacy. So just because someone is afraid of throwing away apparently useless things doesn't necessarily mean that person is obsessed with material things. For the last 3 birthdays and x-mas' I've had no clue what to tell people to buy me. I don't really need anything at this point in my life that I don't already have, and I really don't want too many other things that I don't already have. If someone was to give me a million dollars today, I'm not sure what I would spend any of it on (maybe a laptop since my other has broke, but I really don't have a concrete need for a laptop in the first place). I would most likely just stick it in the bank and continue with my current life as normal (okay I might be tempted to buy things for my parents and friends, but that desire would be alot stronger than buying most things for myself).
@whataboutbahb@xanga - I can definitely relate! I was worried about that too. Some of the items that I had no more room for I ended up taking pictures of with my digital camera and then I wrote about on private on my blog, kinda like I was filing away the memory. I hope that doesn't sound strange but I didn't want to forget the reason why the item was important to me. =)
@eugy@xanga - Cool idea! I might follow your example. I know it's probably not going to be long before I move out of my parents' house, and I need to cull out stuff.
@eugy@xanga -
Yeah, if I made a scrapbook or two or three (in either a digital or hardcopy form) that would probably be a more efficient way to do it. Instead I have a hard time throwing away train ticket and museum stubs from the summer I spent in Europe and just stash them away randomly in a folder. You know you got problems when you can't even throw away trash.
@whataboutbahb@xanga - oh man tell me about it! I have so many stubs from shows and museums too. =\ Scrapbooking sounds cool!
I used to look for happiness in material things, but through a LOT of wasted money and life experience, I can thankfully say that this is no longer the case. I have a new truck paid for, and a nearly new boat paid for, but to make this happen I've spent most of the last year away from my girlfriend and my family. That's my life-lesson learned, and will soon be rejoined with my girlfriend and family the way I should have been this whole time. I thank God that they stuck with me through my idiocy.
If both the truck and boat burned to the ground right now, I wouldn't cry a tear. Fact is, things are just things...nothing can replace those you love and trust...money simply does NOT buy happiness.
We just moved after 22 years....I ordered a 40 ft rolloff box and we filled it and needed more room for more garbage. Our neigbor has a garage as a business and let us use his container and we filled that a couple times. We gave tons(literally) away in addition. We are now in an apt. It was so humbling to ask for help and do all of this. Now we got the boxes of stuff we kept and it's STILL too much....Stuff does NOT make us happy like we think it should! Forced decluttering was good for me because we just couldn't do it before. We're ready for a new simpler life. Now I did have some drawing and posters my children made and I took pictures of them and threw them away. (When they weren't around) I still have a nice smaller copy and it fits on the computer! My only thing is that I do have boxes and boxes of photos I couldn't let go without sorting which will take a lot of time. I'm thinking of getting them scanned and just save them that way too...I would love to do a scrapbook for each of my children, we'll see if I can get a hold of my time to do that.
The stuff did rule me. I couldn't have people over and neither did my children. We had to go out to have fun, away from the mess. And I know it caused problems in all of our relationships, husband and children. My children don't know how to keep order since they lived that way. I truely hope everything changes now. And I'm glad it was forced on me by a good move.
You know, my whole family on both sides is very materialistic, so it's hard for me sometimes, but last year, I remember when I asked God to give me the next step and he said, "well, you can give all your clothes away. Half of them you don't even like anyways." And I was thrilled. So I called up a friend, who worked at a school on the less fortunate side of town, and asked her if the kids needed clothes. I gave them all my old prom dresses and every piece of jewelry I had. I kept three outfits for myself, but since then I've accumulated a lot more clothes because God has provided for me and so many others through me. As a kid I was always insecure about what I would wear, because all the other kids had hip moms who dressed them in the latest. My mom was clueless. But the day I comitted to give my clothes away, even my favorite ones, I have never felt that insecurity again.Thanks for posting this I think I'll go right now and go through my stuff and gut my room again. It really is a healthy practice.
@Balletwithsoul@xanga - I think it's entirely healthy, too. I love putting useless things to me to use for someone else!
@whataboutbahb@xanga - well let's just say that my roommate is an entirely different person than I have ever meant. What you are saying is valid, and I understand sentiment, but I do not think it is healthy sentiment to keep 12 backpacks when you are only using two or three, and then complain about the others that you are not using, even if they were a gift. This is one small example of many, and I'm not exaggerating.
One thing that helps me de-clutter is keeping a smaller piece of something that marks one event, say if I have been given a giant folder of papers and things from a special occasion I would choose one or two things that meant something to me out of it so that I wouldn't lose the sentiment. I have even heard of taking a picture of a larger item that is kept merely for sentiment. Maybe that isn't enough for some people, but it's something to consider.
I once thought I was not a sentimental person when it came to material possession, but then when my family and I packed up in an RV to go across country on the Lord's command, I had a real hard time letting go of things. We each kept 7 outfits, I had a couple extra. We took a few possession that were small, and some books. My children took their homeschooling materials, and everything else had to go. God did end up letting me keep a couple of things we could not even give away, but all my belongings were gone. It was hard. At first when we decided to give our stuff away, I was like yeah, no problem. As I started going through things I did not want to let go. I did though and God blessed me for it in so many ways.
The wife and I are continually but slowly in the process of weeding stuff out. I am more of a sentimental packrat, in that if someone gave it to me, or it has a good memory attached to it, I keep a hold of it.
The wife is a preschool teacher, so her packrat mentality is tied to the fact that anything can be used for any project.
We are getting better, learning to get rid of stuff that we haven't used in a long while. Even the sentimental stuff. The memory is in my head.
Just recently in shopping I was going to pick up a movie that I had lent out to someone (Not 100% sure who) and didn't get it back. I was carrying it through the store, and realized that as much as I enjoyed the movie, the only thing this was going to do was take up more space, so I put it back.
Even the wife is getting better. Not every scrap of paper needs to be saved, unless it can be stored in the existing space we have set aside.
Need. Want. I read a section of scripture last night saying that if all we have is clothes and food, that that is enough. Everything here is temporal, and it isn't coming with us.
Great post for reflection. Thanks for sharing!
yeah, i do. sometimes i justify it, saying "i'm not into brand labels. the stuff i own isn't really *stuff*. it's sentimental." but that's the kind of blind-sight that will be the death of me. and i know it. i just don't WANT to know it. i have a lot of books. a lot of knick knacks. and i'd like to get away from that. it's just difficult to?
I used to absolutely love my house. I loved to show it off and decorate it. I was grateful for how far God brought me. Then one day, my house caught on fire. Thank God with a few repairs and several thousand dollars I was able to move back in. I went back to loving my house. Then I got into a car accident. I needed a new car. It didn't take long before I realized that God wanted me to see that all of the material posessions I treasures meant nothing. I was so thrilled over the blessings that I sometimes forgot to be thrilled about the one who blesses me with them.
God will not have anything or anyone come before Him. He gives and He takes away. I had to learn this the hard way. Being homeless and carless for a few months helped me put things into perspective. I learned what was truly important in life. Things I thought I absolutely needed I found were just luxuries. God taught me through loosing my home and car within one week of each other that He was everything I've ever and will ever need. I've learned to put my trust in Him.
Your stuff owns you. It requires upkeep - maintenance, washing, all kinds of stuff that require your time and resources. I try to keep minimal on my stuff. What falls apart doesn't get replaced because I apparently wasn't using it enough to keep it up.
I get very attached to everything, very easily. I have things that I never use but won't get rid of because they're pretty, pencils that I won't sharpen because they have cute pictures on them, tons of old papers from school that I will probably never need but keep anyway, and a zillion other things that I either think I'll need one day or that have some memory attached to them.
I've been trying to clean some stuff out, but I don't feel like I've gotten very far. I'm hoping that if I can get rid of stuff without replacing it with other stuff, then weed out again in a few months or years, I'll eventually be able to get rid of all the things I don't need. Maybe when I get ready to go to college in a couple years I'll be able to get rid of a lot of things, since I won't have room for them at school and Mom is threatening to get rid of most of it if I leave too much here.
My husband and I live in a 10.5 x 14 ft room with our two dogs (I'm not exagerating), so we have to be very careful about what we keep and what we sell. We know how difficult it can be to get rid of stuff! We also have one storage unit we use as well - it's amazing how much stuff we have. We sell stuff, give it to goodwill, etc., but somehow there's so much left. We do a lot of outdoor activities, and I have a lot of photography equipment- - that takes up the better part of our storage. And we have tons of boxes of books -- both of us want a large library if and when we move. But I'm always amazed at how much stuff we all aquire!
We're getting ready to move back into the room (we housesit for a few months each year), and I'm going through everything -- trying to figure out what we actually need vs what we are afraid we may somehow need in the future. It's not easy. I've often regretted throwing stuff out.
One thing that contributes to wants is advertising. I think my desire for stuff has dropped a lot since I stopped watching TV. And my husband and I both love to go browsing stores to see what's new, but we've learned to make a list of things we actually need before we go out, and then to stick to it. Otherwise we'd come home with more stuff.
I highly recommend everyone live in an incredibly small space for a very long time -- it helps you to learn how to get rid of extra stuff.
I have totally the same logic and mindset as you when it comes to things. The last time I move country, I realized I had so many comics and CD's that I don't read/listen to anymore. All they do is just sit there. But still, it's only natural when people have emotional attachment to things.
I would hate to let things rule over me, the only thing I allow for that is ciggies.