Wednesday, August 20, 2008
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A Few Choice Words and an Unwelcome Epiphany
After a long day, the last person I wanted to see was my neighbor. I'm so accustomed to his knocking on my door to complain about me or someone/something else, that I really try avoiding him. But he caught as me as I was walking up the stairs and mentioned that one of the neighbors had seen my ferret.
In hindsight (awful thing that is), I realize that he told me no doubt as a warning. But instead, I said that he was the only person I didn't want to find out; I could care less if anyone else knew, even told my landlord about it.
"I was afraid you would complain," I said. People tell me Keeg doesn't smell, nor does my apartment, but I could just imagine if that he knew, each time a funky smell wafted through our 60-year old building, I'd be getting a knock on my door or a phonecall from the landlord.
"I wouldn't complain! Why would you think I'd complain?!" He was immediately defensive.
Of all the things I could have said, I chose: "It's just that every time you talk to me, you're complaining about something." Didn't matter that I said it with a smile and an uncondemning tone; he went irrate.
"I don't always complain! I never complain! When have I complained to you?!"
I made things worse by accomodating him with a long, verbal list which I couldn't quite finish because he was heading back into his apartment and slamming the door on me.
However, I was still able to shout out, "This is what I'm talking about, T--! You are the most negative person I've ever known!"
The tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable, but the mouth of fools spouts folly. Proverbs 15:2
Yes, this is the same person God had me give a gift card to a month ago. Whatever plan God has, I just made things more difficult. I know God likes to use his children to sometimes carry out his purposes, but I think he could do better without our help.
I wrote a note apologizing to my neighbor, taking my full share of the blame and asking his forgiveness for my intolerance. I realized that I've never forgiven him for all the inconveniences and annoyances he's caused me; the very fact that I could prattle off a list proved it. He may be the most negative person I know, but perhaps I'm the most bitter. That was an unwelcome epiphany the Holy Spirit gave me.
Holding grudges has always been my defense mechanism. If I remember exactly what happened before and how things came to that point, I won't so easily be wounded again. I always thought that this was only hurting myself, but tonight's events proved otherwise. My bitterness toward T-- may have seriously damaged any work God was doing in his heart.
I've apologized to him and to God. All I can do now is pray that God will fix things and watch that I don't mess up like this again.
When was the last time you said or did something you really regretted? How do you recover after messing up?
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Comments (13)
The good thing is that you realize what you did and asked for forgiveness. You are honest about your own failing. That is refreshing :)
I think we all have these moments when something we are less than proud of about ourselves is revealed. It's like God uses these situations to put His finger on something and say, "See, this needs work." These moments are chances for us to once again experience God's infinite mercy, and they are times when we must make a choice to either let Him change us or keep control.
Good for you for realizing and accepting what God is telling you through this situation. We should all be so teachable and transparent.
On occasion I say something quite dumb to my girlfriend, speaking before thinking. Luckily, she is the most forgiving person I know and has never held any of it against me.
I'll be praying that God takes your apologies and uses them to work on T's heart.
Just wondering if you have heard anything about the new Billy Graham movie coming out in October?
I heard it was supposed to be pretty good...
You can see the trailer at:
http://billytheearlyyears.com
There's a nasty letter, an envelope full of photos, mementos (sp?), and returned items that I'd like to take back. Seeing how I cannot, I must leave that, and the broken friendship it caused in the hands of Jesus....
"He may be the most negative person I know, but perhaps I'm the most bitter."
Oh man, where do I begin? I am usually non-confrontational but when I am, I am downright mean and bitter. Yet, I cannot justify my actions and words just because I was hurt in the process.
I think I was guilty of this two days ago. I had sent a good friend of mine a care package while he was away but had never received a "Thank you" of any sort. I was about to give him a piece of my mind about manners and being polite but LUCKILY, I found out he never even received it.
Thanks for this post!
"Telling The Truth's" Jill Briscoe was right on when she said "It only takes 3 inches of tongue to destroy a 6-foot tall man." I, too, have lost several one-time friends because of angry words that were spoken, and unfortunately, in a couple of instances, grudges are still held against me for those mistakes.
In a group setting, one of the pastors at my home church was put to a test during a voters' meetinvg quite some time ago. Wouldn't you know, the Scripture reading was based on the last few verses of Ephesians 4 (difficult for anyone to stay angry after hearing that reference if they're paying attention). There were 3 individuals who either had something boiling inside regardless, or all got set off at once. Long story short, things got so bad that by the time the meeting ended the pastor was in tears. To use an athletic analogy, he "took the ball to the other end of the court and did a slam'dunk" (made a speech keeping things in perspective). Fortunately, there was a lot of patching up completed after that.
I don't even keep track of all the times that I say stuff I'm not supposed to say anymore--the list would be endless. I'm sarcastic by nature, so I'm frequently stuffing my foot into my mouth!
Thanks for sharing your experience--I need to watch it myself!
just few days ago. Well, apologies and try to learn from the mistake that I've made and try not to make the same mistake next time.
I have a couple of relatives (who obviously shall remain nameless), who really put me in a bind from time to time. There are times when they'll wonder why I don't show up at family gatherings one minute, and then the ones I do show up at, these same people put me down for not being on their level the next. (Hello???)
My question is: I know love is supposed to be longsuffering, but does that mean an individual has to keep on playing doormat?? (Letting these relatives walk all over me?)
Or how about a rough marriage in which one of the individuals is repeatedly verbally abusive? (Not singling anyone out specifically here, either.)
While I'm usually a very easy-going person, I've had my fair share of hurting friends....even though i honestly didn't want to. But, thank God He finally taught me a lesson to help me understand what I was doing wrong....and now I'm here at college, living in the dorms, for the first time, so I really have to be careful of what i say....especially in ways of being sarcastic much too often.
I find humility is the best relationship fixer. It is not always immediate, but with a humbleness from your heart, your testimony can be restored. Admit your faults, and understand your share of the blaim. Remember that humility is "self forgetfullness". A truely humble person does not talk about his/her imperfections thus drawing attention to him/her self. When you encounter a humble person, you wont know it, because a humble person's attentions are on you. They show genuine interest in you, and not SOOO excited to share all about themselves (good or bad) with you. This kind of humility is only possible through the Holy Spirit.
I constantly have trouble with saying things I instantly regret, because I'm a sarcastic person and I speak before I think. Which is why I do so much better communicating with the written word rather than verbal.
Once, I was speaking with a co-worker who said he didn't believe in God because his brother died as a child and he couldn't "worship a God who would allow that to happen." Rather than gently and diplomatically trying to lead him back to God, I blurted out, "Well, my son died as an infant, but I still believe in God." How completely inane and superior did that sound?!? Unfortunately, our store got busy right at that moment and I never did have a chance to get back to the conversation tactfully. I've regretted that and many other things I have said over the years, but I just keep praying for wisdom and discernment.
Thank you for a great post and God bless you all!