Saturday, August 23, 2008
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God, That Wasn't In The Plan....
from utalan
In February of 2004, I ran my first marathon. 26.2 miles. I finished in a respectable 4 hours, 16 minutes. It was an amazing experience that left me with such a feeling of accomplishment. It also inspired me to do it again, only this time I decided to train for the Boston Marathon.
A few months later I was playing intramural softball with some friends. I swung the bat and connected with the softball, sending it into shallow left field. I bolted towards first base, sprinting as fast as I could go. But I never made it. I heard a pop and felt intense pain in my right heel. After multiple trips to the doctor and X-Ray after X-Ray, I discovered that not only did I fracture my heel, but that I had a tumor in my foot. Luckily, it was benign. One "simple" outpatient surgery later, I was tumor-free.
However, the effects of that tumor did not disappear so quickly. At a follow-up appointment, I learned that my foot would never be as strong as it had been pre-tumor. In fact, there was a good chance that my running days were over. This news shook me to my core. I was prepared to take a break from running for a while, to push back the Boston Marathon for a year or two. But to give up running completely? Forever? This didn't fit my plan. I didn't know what to do.
Why do we have such a difficult time with change? If things don't go how we plan it out, we are left feeling alone and afraid. We have become so attached to the plans we made, we refuse to let them go. But as Christians, we are called to go wherever He leads, even if that is outside of our plans. We are called to trust Him with our future, even if we can't see what that is just yet.
It's been a few years since that surgery and my foot has strengthened about as much as it ever will. My doctor has advised that I start running short distances and, if it feels okay, to slowly work my way up. Running the Boston Marathon is still on my life goals list, but I had to let go of those plans and give them to God before He showed me that they may still happen.
How do you handle change? Is it difficult for you to trust when you can't see where He is leading you?
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Comments (21)
I get scared and would doubt, but I would also pray asking God to lead me.
I've started realizing how much good comes from bad which is nice to have when the trials come. For instance, I'm trying to discern a vocation. I had my life planned through college and beyond and now I find I have to open up to the call. It's scary. But God knows what will be the best for us in the end.
Humans are creatures of habit, for the most part. We get into routines and expect to stick to those routines, because they become so comfortable. That's why we dislike change so much.
(Begin Christian perspective)::
I'm sure you have heard this next part A LOT. The Christian god doesn't have the same plans that humans do. I mean...he is the creator of the entire universe. How could humans possibly know how a holy deity thinks? The truth is, we really can't. It may not make sense to you, but it makes sense to god.
Isaiah 55:8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.
Though I know that probably won't make it suck any less that you cannot run the marathon and you have probably heard this a million times over.
(End Christian perspective)
I'm really glad that you can run at least a little bit and I hope you're able to run the Boston Marathon.
i'm so there...
actually, i've always loved change. i get bored with life very quickly... i'd rather have it go up and down than stay on the same level all the time.
Wow, I'm glad that you're recovering and hope that that you'll be able to run sooner than you expect. Well, listen to your docter and stay in good health.
@bittersunday@xanga - Yes, I have heard it a million times, but that doesn't mean that I don't need to hear it again sometimes. Thank you for sharing that.
@too_pretty_to_die@xanga - I'm jealous!
@Poisonous_Thorns@xanga - Thanks.
It may not have been in "our" plan, but it was in God's. God is sovereign. As Christians we can know without a doubt that God's plans for us are always working for our good. Romans 8:28.
my goal this summer was to not fight God's plan when things weren't going the way I expected or I planned them to be. It's easy to say when it seems that God and your plans are in sync, but once God is telling you something else, it becomes so difficult.
I hope your right heel and foot heals completely gradually :)
Take care!
Thank you so much for this post. It was last night, actually, when I was talking to my friend. I've known for awhile now that I've been living in the future too much, mostly because I'm excited for it. However, half the things I'm excited about may not be in God's plan!
So I've been focusing (or trying!) on the present more, and giving all my plans to God.
I met a guy that was a cousellor at one of the camps I go to, and when I asked him if he was coming back next summer he said "I dunno...I really don't know. I want to, but I'm not planning on it, because every time I make plans, God steps in!"
I hope to become as open as he is :).
But seriously, thank you for this entry!
i don't handle change well at all, i try to keep reminding myself to have faith in god's plan. your story was really inspiring =)
dont worry that might of not been in your plans but it was in his...i know exactly what u mean...a similar thing happened to me...i had a herniated disc but for over year my feet and legs would hurt all the time and worse in the morning and i couldnt dance for a long time...i went to see a doctor because it got worse...and he said i have a torn hamstring in my leg...but then i went to my regular doctor and he said out of curiousity he wanted to do an x-ray of my back and discovered i had a herniated disc and that cause the circulation to cut off to my leg...i guess after all that i just felt so drained of having to go through all the emotions of not being able to dance just made me feel idk...it made it seem like dancing wasnt as important as my life and to me dancing was my life..but i had to put it off to get better and i do noticed after taking that time off i do realize im not a strong of a dancer body wise as i used to be...so its disappointing to me because i can still dance but to go through all those emotions and to know i can still dance but not be able as good as last time makes me sad because its not me its my body and im getting old ahaha so i cant heal as easily anymore and my body cant handle pain as well but being older means i can push myself more so i guess i just have to work at it...but maybe Gods has bigger and better plans...just always think that..i try to ehhehe luckily you're alright!
Change isn't something i necessarily enjoy overmuch, but it is something that is constantly happening in my life so i have learned how to adapt to it quite well. It is very hard to trust God when He is leading me somewhere I can't see sometimes, but in the end wherever He led me to was always better than the place where I was, even if the journey to get to that place was a painful process, so I know that I just need to continue trusting Him in His plans. They will always be better than mine.
Change is tough, but it's also good. At the risk of sounding cliche, God knows what He's doing, and He's got some lessons in store that change really teaches us. We don't have to immediately like it, but I know I'm thankful for all the random plans of mine God has changed (even if I fought Him over it).
Maybe when you have a glorified body and are running laps around heaven, the pain of building your ability to run now will seem insignificant in comparison to forever. I'm sure that doesn't take away most of the pain or frustration you're dealing with now, but we have an enduring life when this fragile one is over. =)
I'm glad you're able to run short distances, and I sure do hope you can work your way up to running whole marathons again. Thanks for sharing your story.
I've found that things more than likely will not go the way we plan; well, for me anyway. But that's definitely okay. I know that God has a much better plan and He's showed that to me time after time.
This is actually something I've been focusing in on lately. I know God has to be working on this with me because, despite my plans failing, He is giving me peace about what His will is (although I truly have no idea what He has for me). I do, however, take comfort in Romans 8:28.
Just thought I'd throw that out there for everyone.
:D
Well, conversely, as hollow as this may sound, you should be thankful that you didn't have a lethal tumor eating into your bone. Maybe I'm morbid, but I see your outcome as not the best you could have hoped for but also definitely not the worst you could have feared.
Im sorry to hear that happened. Glad to see you are ok now though! It can definitely be hard especially when you have a goal set so high as yourself. Big changes are very scary and often require lots and LOTS of time to forget and get over. Why does God make us face these difficult challenges? i really don't know why He does but He does.
to be honest i never know where he's leading me. and i don't know what to trust, since i don't know what he wants of me. sometimes i don't even think me and God are communicating at all.
anyway, all i trust is he wants me to be happy and he loves me, in whatever peculiar way it might seem to me. so perhaps you can forget about finding out what he's planned for you and just move forward and see what happens next?
for me, it's extremely difficult. it's actually something i'm struggling with right now (i would've made a new entry with your exact title had i not read yours first)... i had major plans for the next 2-3 years which i'm finding God is wiping away. it's hard to wrestle with the bitterness mixed in with the peace knowing that God's in control and His plan is best for me.
thanks for sharing.
You have truly inspired me. Thank You!