Wednesday, September 03, 2008
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God, I Think You Picked the Wrong Person
I'm sure that at one point or another, most of us have been challenged by someone to do something pretty improbable. Maintain a cumulative 3.9 GPA for four years. Lose 50 lbs. Give up TV for Lent. Stay married to your spouse. Run a 10k marathon. Take care of your ailing relative for six months. Pass your driving test in Chinese, which you do not understand in car terms (that was mine four years ago...)
Since moving back on campus and reuniting with my suitemates, friends, and frenemies, God's given me a very basic, but nonetheless challenging, command: "You've told your secular friends that you are a Christian. Through your actions, let them know that that actually means." I'm a little hestitant to even acknowledge that it's a legitimate, personalized challenge and not just something I cooked up from church or reading the Bible; God's really convicted me to be "slow to anger," to forgive others, and to be more discerning of people.
I compare myself to Moses, who cited his speech problem as the reason why God shouldn't make him the guy who leads the Hebrew slaves out of Egypt. I've asked God again and again why He continues to challenge me when I not only fail him time and time again, but I don't always feel up for His calling.
My Christian friends often mention brothers and sisters they admire. "Oh, Person A not only reads gets up early to read His Bible, but he's actively concerned for others!" "Person B is such a moving worship leader!" "Person C's love for Christ is so apparent; she prays and worships even when things are crashing down!"
And hey, I admire these people too, which is why I always bring them up when God puts me in a position where my Christianity will be heavily scrutinized. I ask God why I'm the one with tons of non-Christian friends, and why I'm the one writing for Revelife; There are better Christians out there! Someone like Person C would be a way more effective testimony. You should wait till I'm like Person A before you use me. Person B is less likely to stumble in his faith if he had tons of non-Christian friends. Hey, I didn't ask for this! I'm not ready!
And then there's school: God's blessed me so much through the friends and opportunities, yet I'm not sure I've done too much in return. I'm a little afraid of what being more Christ-like entails. Can I restrain myself from gossiping about someone who constantly backstabs me? Can I not let money issues and fairness embitter me when my suitemates and I split the cost of food and furniture? Can I stop myself from being snarky during a petty argument?
I want to say "No," to all these things, but the fact that God still convicts me about them shows that He must believe, on some level (does God have levels?), that I can overcome them.
I liken God to an encouraging professor. Last year, I failed a Spanish midterm and freaked out at the thought of getting another C on my transcript. I visited the Senor during office hours to pour out my concerns, only for him to reply that he's more than confident that numbers-wise, I could work my way up to a B (~83%) by the end of the year.
"What?!" I asked. "No I'm can't! I got a 50% on the midterm, my quiz grade is at an 80%, and my homework is at a 75. I don't think I can pull it up enough to get a B. Can you give me some extra credit homework for me to make up for it?"
"No," he replied. "I won't, because you don't need it. You show up for class everyday and I see that you have it in you. You just need to calm your nerves during tests, study a little harder, and learn from your mistakes."
I ended up earning a B+ in the class without any extra credit, grade inflation, or wheedling. I know I'm not the best at learning new languages, but the idea that the professor who soaked my essays in red marks and waited patiently as I tried to form a sentence in class *believed* I could do it helped enormously.
I question my calling, my challenges, and my purpose, but then again, who are we to choose for God?
Has God challenged you lately? How are you progressing?
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Comments (13)
I think as a Christian we'll always have this feeling...this feeling of not feeling adequate or not feeling powerful or righteous enough...
I mean, that's how Moses felt when God called him to lead the Israelites out of Egypt (Exodus 3), that's how Gideon felt when God told him he would liberate Israel out from under the dominion of the Midianites (Judges 6:15), and Paul saw himself as the least of the apostles (I Corinthians 15:9). God's response to their worries?
"Certainly I will be with thee..." Exodus 3:12
"Surely I will be with thee..." Judges 6:16
"My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 12:9
God might call us to something, but he promises to be with us so that it is through is power and might that anything in our lives are accomplished.
We are not called to be self-sufficient, we are called to rely on God for everything we need, and that includes the guidance of what to do and the ability. All we need do is listen to his calling and have faith in the promises he's made.
God challenges me constantly. Lately it's been to stop thinking I know his plans for my future. For a long time I had life planned out, step by step. He's been challenging me to be open to his calling and to stop cementing myself into what I want to do. Presently, I discerning a vocation for my future.
"My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 12:9
I have seen God do this time and again in my life and not only when I am remembering to rely upon it. There have been times where I thought I failed miserably and the whole world must know. Then later someone says something about what they observed at that time, which proves God's strength was shining through even though I couldn't see it.
There is something in my life right now that also has me thinking 'God you picked the wrong person'!
Well maybe 2 things actually (one I'm unsure of), but I'm not ready to tell the world about them.
I'm certain that He'll have to help me through them both though!
Though this doesn't pertain to the questions at the end, I had to comment... because when I read the title of your blog ... in picking the wrong person, my initial thought was, "Oh Lord, did You tell her about Me?!" I often feel this way... shamefully inadequate ... and yet when I do start to contemplate this in earnest I am reminded that He also said that He is strongest in our own weaknesses (or something to that effect.) Thanks for sharing!
To your question about being friends with so many non-believers, Jesus was friends with sinners. Maybe God wants you to be an example to everyone that it's ok to love all your neighbors despite thier beliefs?
Thank you so much for writing this! I have felt alone for so long, it's wonderful to know that I am definitely not the only one who feels this way. I know what I believe in- I could sing praises to God at the top of my lungs when I'm surrounded by other believers. But when I'm alone... that's where the insecurities start. When I feel like I don't have enough faith or belief or knowledge to show others that I am a child of God. Especially in day-to-day occurrences.
I'm not really sure of what challenges God has in store for me this school year, or right now for that matter. But I know that I will try to live up to those challenges and lean on God, knowing that I'm not alone.
Great post. :]
Confidence grows when we can learn how to deal with our hang ups and short comings. We need to let God help us with our self esteem which is a reason why some of us don't think we are capable.
There is always a challenge in life, I just hold on To God and take a leap!
God bless!
God has been challenging me to forgive. It's a big challenge and I continually fail. But, I know He wants me to do this, so I will continue to work at it.
blessings
Hi, I understand what you're saying about wondering if you're good enough to represent God, especially when you're surrounded by non Christian people. It's very easy to get pulled into "the world" by these people when you see the freedom they seem to enjoy and when they seem like genuinely nice folk. I'm a psychologist aswell as a Christian, it is possible! and what I would say to you is that you need to look at where you excell in your life, perhaps remember a particularly great time in your past and realise that you're actually a very talented individual who doesn't need to constantly reproach yourself. It's very Christian to be humble but a low self esteem can cripple you, how useful would you be to God then?
You have to take care of yourself physically and emotionally in life generally just to survive it, this is especially true for us Christians who have the added complication of being "missioned" by our calling to serve God's needs.
When you pray, I'll bet it's with confidence and joy? Try using these qualities in your dealings with others (non Christian) and in your studies. You can be good in life or you can be great for God. If you truly wish to emulate Moses then learn to recognise the signs God leaves for you and learn the lessons he sets for you.
You have the whole of your life to live and experience the anticipation of an eternal life with Him, don't waste it worrying about all the wrong stuff.
You sound like a good, true Christian to me and I would hope that you go on to great things in Christ's name and for His sake. It is difficult to always keep faith in our lives but I have always found that if you look out for His signs then every so often you are reminded of just how great it is to have God watching over you.
I enjoyed your article and I am enjoying writing this message to you. I'm feeling that this could be a sign as I have not been an active Christian for some time.
In the love of Christ and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit, God be with you.
James.
I think God has been talking to me lately about selfishness. I need to put aside what I want, and spend more time with Him. Sometimes busyness seems to suck the good, and the God, out of life. I'm working on it, but it seems slow-going.
Good post - thanks for sharing!
Kirsten
It's always the paradox. We lack experience to do what needs to be done, but the experience only comes with trying anyway. You will fail sometimes. You will make a fool of yourself. You will learn. You will grow. But only if you do the things you can't.
God just loves to see the work in our lives begin. And when new Christians see that other true Christians still make mistakes, it encourages them that God still loves them. And it helps them to understand that growing up in Christ really is a lot like growing up physically -- it happens gradually. We can have great growths spurts or several small little ones.
The important thing is that we are growing. That we Love God first and seek His kingdom and His righteousness.
God's really been stressing that to me lately. God never lets us be temted more than we can resist, and He never gives us an assignment that we cannot accomplish with Him.
Thanks for posting this! God bless you.
Emilie
God is right to use you as a tool to help others (although He obviously doesn't need affirmation from me)! This post really helped me and tons of other people--a post that only you could have written because of your unique experiences. Thank you so much for sharing, you're not alone