YOu can forgiver someone and move on. You don't have to have any type of contact with him. In life we do move on from things.

I have two posts dedicted to this very topic. God bless.

From ISaac.

God does not call us to be in abusive relationships. Sometimes unhealthy relationships need to be cut off so that both of you can live a healthy lifestyle and heal. You can love your "enemies" by praying for them, wishing them good things, and by the you act around them if you ever have to be.  

I am very good friends with my ex, mostly because I realize know it was sort of an "impulsive" relationship and I don't think we were both in love as we thought we were.

Really good topic to discuss. :)

Have you ever read C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity? Although the book isn't soley about this kind of thing, he gets into some really great detail about the idea of loving our enemies. I really think he got it right, too.

In my opinion and from what I've read of scripture, I don't think we need to actually keep a relationship going in order to love our neighbours. It's more about how we chose to respond to them, rather than actually putting in effort to keep a friendship going if we don't get along. Because lets face it, some people simply don't get along because they are too different. God doesn't want us to be friends with every person in the world, but He wants us to care about them. If they need help, we are to help them because God tells us to -- even when we don't feel like it. If they speak to us on the street we should treat them with courtesy and kindness, rather than trying to avoid them or respond harshly. This doesn't mean we should go up to them and start a conversation, but it means we should at least be polite. They're God's children too and He loves them, even if they are against Him.

It may be really hard to get over feelings from a relationship if one is still in contact (I'm going through that problem right now -- currently 3 years single and counting, and I STILL can't get over my ex even with very little contact). However, that's where I think we need to give it to God. :) Ask Him to do His will, that we may heal and move on if He wishes us to...and that if it's so needed, He guide ourselves and our ex apart until (if ever) God needs us to be in contact again.

Not wanting to be friends with a person because we don't get along is not exactly evil, so long as we react in a Christian manner when confronted with them. :)

Forgiving my ex for the things he did to hurt me, involved doing it over and over again as I discovered each new thing that he had done, even after we were apart.  What helped the most was to remember that God loves him every bit as deeply and passionately as He loves ME.  And that all of my needs won't require God to play favorites while He meets both our needs.  That's a comfort.

I think that detachment is good; but it must be fair and objective.  You must be willing to admit where you ignored red flags that said the relationship had a toxic potential.  Otherwise, you cannot be healthy in the way that you handle any chance encounters.

@mamalove@momaroo - I agree with your comment very much, and that book Boundaries also crossed my mind when I read the post.  Good job in mentioning it.

@IntoTheCrimsonSky - You also did great in mentioning that being civil or courteous does not involve nor require friendship.  Good response!

All in all a very important topic to discuss!

Someone once said, to love your enemies doesn't necessarily mean you have to like them (hence, much less become friends with them). The bible says there's a time for everything under heaven - there's a time for searching, a time for losing, a time for embracing and a time to refrain from embracing. I believe only God can give us the wisdom to accept all these things as part of His plan.

I've just gotten out of a 9-year relationship with my ex a few months ago. It was a sudden break-up and something I was not expecting. But the realisation came and from what i know, he's moved on now. We've not been in touch since the relationship ended. On hindsight, I think if i was still in touch with him, i would might have found it difficult and even harder for me to move on. 

I realised during the period of time I was not in touch with my ex, I found God and myself again. I could mourn my brokeness and focus on recovering and finding my life again, rather than wondering to myself about him (my ex). I found the time to reconnect with old/good friends and to do the things that I always wanted to (but never did as I was too occupied with him) - like salsa/guitar classes. I also joined activities in church that allowed me to use my talents for Him. I felt a lot better as a person than I was in my relationship with him.

Of course it was difficult initially as I could not get over the rejection. I found it hard to understand and to accept the fact that things ended the way it did. I asked myself questions like maybe I was not good enough for him to love me, hence he found someone else - but after sometime, i realised there were many other issues. I was determined at first to not think about things and just run the race ahead to forget it, but eventually I started reflecting and realising certain things. I guess we were just too different. And God had other plans for me.

What I needed then at that point in time was not a connection with my ex, but rather, a connection with God. A God whom I know would cover me and make me whole again. Like the verse in the earlier post, the bible does teach us to guard our hearts and be careful to whom we open up and give our hearts to. Hence, i think its good to keep a distance from an ex for awhile until you're whole and healthy again (my experience).

A friend once said that when we let something go, God takes it and fits it in His own time as a part of His own divine plan.

For one, the bible does speak about cutting off any part of us that causes us to sin. Hence, i think if your ex is not a christ-centred person, much less someone who builds you up in a christ-like manner as a person in his relationship with you, then the best thing to do is to cut yourself off from that person entirely... until you're whole again. 

Every relationship teaches us something about ourselves, and about God. Hence, i think our time alone after a relationship is the best opportunity for us to grow and rediscover God. Rather than trying to find someone to fill up that need, a walk in the wilderness/loneliness towards self discovery and realisation might be a better solution instead. One book that spoke to me and helped me to learn a lot about myself from my relationship was "Dating with Boundaries" - by Dr John Townsend and Dr Henry Cloud. An excellent book for anyone in (or has been in) a relationship. 

I think we should leave it to God. Maybe someday you'll wake up and be able to be friends with your ex, maybe you never will.

He put the ex in there for a reason. If you guys were meant to be friends then you'll eventually find a way. With that being said though, dont hold on to the angst and anger.

We see so many people passing us each day, some ppl we'll only see once in our lifetime. Time is like a filter..... it takes out all the people you dont need and all the ones that stay are the ones that actually matters..

Time. Thats all it takes

I try my hardest to be friends with those I loved before, I mean, they were a big part of my life for awhile. But usually, their new girlfriends are upset and so we just do the smile/wave thing.

I know things ended for a reason and I would never try to ruin the great relationship that I have now, so i just let things be.

I really was against the idea of being friends with my exes.  It hurt badly enough that it end- should I make myself suffer more?  In the end, the following happened:

My mom pressured me to remain in contact, and good friends, with my first ex.  We're actually really close friends now, and have a great relationship (especially now that I'm married). 

I really wanted - and tried- to have a similar relationship with my second ex, but he cut me out of his life completely (to be fair, I think I kind of hurt him).  He sent me a snappy email when he found out I was getting married, to the extent of, "I-know-we're-not-talking-but-why-didn't-you-tell-me".  I got insulted.  We're still not talking. 

I really love the friendship I have with my first ex, we've been friends for 7 years now total.  I wish I could be friends with my second ex.  It's really the best way to get over the hurt, the what-ifs, etc.  My second ex will always hate me (despite his being a Christian) for the way things turned out.  In his mind, it's my fault (maybe it is).  We didn't have a chance to work through that, "post break-up".

It's a difficult call, and no matter what you want to do, you can't always do it.  Sometimes it's better to "let sleeping dogs lie", and so-on. 
I do believe that if God feels it's tome for you to get back in touch, He'll send you a sign.  Maybe it'll be in the form of that much-dreaded "why hallo thar" email.  You never know.

Take care, n good  luck!
Julianna