by miss iris Have you ever faced a situation where you felt so small and insignificant? Where you felt as though your problems were as big as Mount Everest?
What did you feel when someone came up to you and tried to put your problem in perspective and said things like, "God is bigger than that!" or "Don't worry, God will take care of it." Did you feel like punching them in the face? Ok, maybe you're not as violent as I can be, but when things seem low and people try to cheer you up your first reaction is to tell them to go away so you can wallow in your misery.
However, we need those people, we need for them to remind us in those simple terms that God
will in fact take care of your problem. That while you feel small and insignificant, God's perspective on the topic is quite different. It's very easy to disregard what someone is telling us when we know that what they are telling us is the simple truth that we should have been applying in the first place. It's also a little annoying because you want to say "I know that!!"
Before we call our brothers and sisters names and tell them to take their advice and leave, let's remember that sometimes, even the foolish things of the world is used to confound the wise. When we are feeling small there
is a big God who is able to lift us out of the situation. If he can use the earth as his footstool, then why can't he lift you above Mt. Everest?
How do you react when people give you advice that you already know?
Comments (27)
I've been the person that people wanted to punch - so I'm pretty unlikely to want to punch anyone just for advice (attempting to implement your advice against my will is another thing.) After all, the way advice works is, if you don't like it, you don't have to accept it.
I find it annoying when all I want to do is vent a bit about my problems, and all my listeners want to do is fix them. This sounds so ungratefulto say this, but sometimes unwanted help really sucks.
oh how to answer this question without ticking anyone off???
I'm so there right now it's not even funny and it's not like they don't mean well.. i'm sure they have great if not honorable intentions... but the advice of these people are so redundant they are completely disingenuous and a pre-programmed response...
it's so sickening and... so... i wanna say emotionally and spiritual filthy it's like I just wanna.. call these... FREAKIN' PEOPLE PHARISEES... Emotional Pharisees... which the more i think about it now... THEY ARE...
yes... to answer this question... yes yes BIG RESOUNDING YES... punch them in the mouth, in the throat, in the gut, in the head... slap a Bible in their face and tell them to keep reading before they can offer their Christian advice in a can...
Here's a new tag line... if you've got nothing hopeful to say, shut the crap up!!!!
I would have to say though is that these people are only needed when someone is on the verge of resolution... reminders are to remind us... not to be broken records of ideals people already know but are wrestling an issue...
and i think in a public community like this where people can be transparent for everyone to see... in a sense... people come and go and people advise and comment... i really think you have to read the posts carefully, grab some contexts concerning posts... and WITH WISDOM if you wanna give advice, do so with the context in mind and not some pre-programmed Christian platitude that EVERYONE and their mothers know...
sorry... i'm done... lol
I kind of find it annoying because it's like they're telling me something I already know. Sometimes I just want to tell them to shut up and keep it to themselves even though I know they are trying to help. I just want a listening ear.
"How do you react when people give you advice that you already know?"
I don't usually tell people my problems, but when I do, they tend to give me more than the whole "God is bigger than that!" phrases. As for me, I try to not to use these phrases towards my friends who are even Christians. While I agree there is truth in such phrases, I feel like I'm giving them some quick, right-of-the-top-of-my-head solution, like I didn't take the time to think about their problems. Imagine something like:
"Ugh... Man, I'm really depressed. My mom's really getting on me and my dad is just being a total jerk. I'm stressed out from school and-"
"Oh, don't worry! God is bigger than thaaat!"
Because, frankly, solutions NEVER come right away. God doesn't suddenly fix one's problems in a magical snap. That makes things too easy. That leaves out the need for human interaction. Problems, though horrible in the moment, are an opportunity for people to get closer. Personally, I want a listening ear first before I try to come up with a solution.
If problems were that easy to fix, tch, I wouldn't need anyone. Just go to God like a vending machine, insert my 25 cent prayers, and voila! Instant Problem-Fixed Soda pop! And God doesn't want to be treated like a vending machine.
oy! Isn't that the difference between men and women? If a woman has a problem, and she tells it to her husband - what is his automatic reaction? Let me tell you how to fix it. (which isn't always a bad thing) .......... but when a woman tells the same problem to her best girlfriend, she finds that she is listened to FIRST, with empathy and compassion - and then after having listened compassionately, works the problem out WITH her. At least this has been my experience. (this is a generalization and I am by no means trying to be stereotypical!!!!)
Also - I think that if you're going to complain about an issue or a problem outloud to other humans - male or female - you should count on receiving unwanted advice. IT's like someone else said - you can choose to ignore it if you want. "in one ear and out the other". However, if the person is offering you solid Biblical advice, you would be wise to listen because perhaps God is using that person to get to you. Usually, we bristle when we hear things that we don't want to hear, because we know it's the truth-and makes us feel guilty! (just coming from personal experience here)
I normally don't care. I understand the person is trying to help. I simply say, "I know... Thank you..." I don't really want to hit anybody, though...
I'm so stealing that picture later...
I find it annoying when the advice was unsolicited, when I only wanted someone to listen to my rants. Or when I need my person to be there to grab me by the arms, look me in the eyes and shake me violently telling me to snap out of it, but instead tell me what they think I want to hear.
Usually though I already know what I need to do and then I get mad at the person for telling me what I already know but I'm just not willing to do. Then after I get over myself I try to follow through with the advice.
I smile and nod, trying to be polite. Some people just don't get it. Like I'd be trying to fix something and my roommate would say "you have to do it this way" and stand over my shoulder and keep saying it until I did it (even though it didn't work).
@NoHeroesForTomorrow@xanga - Exactly. God's solutions don't come immediately, and despite knowing they're going to come- in his time- hearing it isn't all that helpful.
Apparently I am as violent as you can be. The "I'm gonna punch you in the face now" reaction happens to me a lot; fortunately I try not to act on it everytime.
I like to vent. Explain how I feel, just let it all out, be overly emotional. But that action in itself doesn't mean I want advice on how to deal with it, or even less- platitudes. Because when I'm at my lowest and need to get it all out there, the last thing I want to hear is "God will take care of it". I realize, yes- He will- in his time- but at the moment, that platitude isn't going to help the situation here on Earth at all.
I don't want to punch them, I just want tell them to shut up. I wonder how many people wants to punch me in the face for giving them advice. I have a tendency to do that. It's awkward sitting there and listen by me not saying anything it seems like I'm not listening.
I actually did punch my friend in the chest one night (just lightly, to let him know he was giving me stupid advice). And he just kept hugging me, because he's basically the kindest person I've ever met.
I vividly remember a situation when I had the urge to kick a well-meaning pastor in the shins and had to get up and leave the room in order to avoid doing something I would regret... I had been the driver in a nearly fatal accident, and my friend, the passenger in the car, was in intensive care in a coma, and the doctors couldn't tell us a thing about whether he was going to pull through or not. Now this kind pastor meant well, like I say, but whatever it was that he was saying at the time, it suddenly hit me so hard that he had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what I and my friend's family members were going through, and so, in my mind, had NO RIGHT to give us spiritual platitudes.
That's my two cents.
@my0nlyh0p3@xanga - "I like to vent. Explain how I feel, just let it all out, be overly emotional. But that action in itself doesn't mean I want advice on how to deal with it, or even less- platitudes. Because when I'm at my lowest and need to get it all out there, the last thing I want to hear is "God will take care of it". I realize, yes- He will- in his time- but at the moment, that platitude isn't going to help the situation here on Earth at all." Well said.
I honestly believe that humans DO need to vent. To figure out what we are feeling during times of great stress and trauma. We need people to listen and just help us to express it and face it, too. We need validation, understanding and sympathy, and yeah - even correction and accountability at times.
When the feedback is some sound bite bumper sticker, it's as if we weren't heard. Even if it applies! Can we try not to do that when someone is desolate, urgently anxious, deeply hurting or in mourning?
There was an old song in the 80's that had these words in it and it really spoke to my heart in times of trouble (my memory might be off, but here goes) "Lord I wanna believe You and I wanna be near You - but I keep thinkin where I've been. And I wanna believe You can keep me and heal me and put me on the road again... But You'll just have to take me, mold me and break me until I can clearly see...that you are Makin me. (verse) I've been quoted all the verses..and I know each one by heart, but right now I need some kind assurance....so right here right now, as I struggle to survive...help me ......find JOY....(chorus).
advices are just experiences recycled and regurgitated...
but we all need uplifting words. Perhaps advice isnt the best thing to give.... i think that words of encouragements always works best.
I remember going thro a particularly rough patch in life and i got a txt from a close friend of mine saying "hang in there beautiful". I broke down and after that i felt much much better.
I've just been studying the book of Job (post to follow!). One thing that impresses me is the absolute futility of all his friends' theological platitudes (apparently they were hollow and outmoded even back then) to help his situation-- God actually says that all Job's venting and doubting expressed the truth about Him more completely! His friends were more helpful when they were just sitting, saying nothing, and being there.
Apply at your own risk; possible side effects may include humility.
@IMChurchmouse@xanga - You got what I meant. When I spill my heart out, the last thing I want is a cliched response (or a "sound bite bumper sticker", as you put it!)
And very nice song lyrics. Do you know who sang that?
Well for those who want to slap the advice givers around, remember... a lot of them just want to help and don't like seeing people in pain. Others are fixers by nature... their first impulse to anything askew is to try to fix it. It's sometimes better to just tell them, hey I know you want to help and fix things, but I just want somebody to listen to me right now.
@my0nlyh0p3@xanga - I can't remember the artist or even the name of the song. But I do remember the lyrics that rang gongs in my soul...=).
Bless ya!
The problem is not advice giving, but the way ti is given. When there is no compassion, empathy, or sympathy it does not help. Advice giving is encouragement while listening... and really unless you are willing to actually pray with and live along-side someone, you should be much more careful to give advice (and even take it from them). If I give advice to people I do not know, I usually preface it by stating my awareness of that lack or connectedness somehow and then state that my advice is only a grain of salt. I think it makes us more humble to tell people our advice but enrouage them to also look for advice from others and make decisions themselves... but whatever the decision, that we are there and will pray for them and befriend them, not just judge them or tell them our thoughts and then go off...
p.s. - I just noticed I got TRUE status.. thats awesome!
YAY ME!
I am always polite when people give me advice for different issues. Even if I already know what they are telling me.
Like breaking up
You just CANT get over THAT guy, YOU JUST CANT MOVE ON, or DUMP HIS ASS lol
We know whats good for us
But sometimes were so blinded by LOVE* that we dont see it ourselves
Seriously : people call me the love guru - cause i always help solve their problem and listen to them
But when I need their help, most of em gimme all those bullshit
I dont need to hear that from 1000x ++ ppl
I know that already
I jsut cant do it*
There are:
times when sympathy/empathy is needed.
times when some ideas for how to solve the problem are needed
times when hope is needed
The problem is in determining what is the right thing to hold out in this particular time to this person.
and sometimes
The problem is in getting beyond yourself enough to do what they need because your own needs,fears and hangups can get in the way.
A person who is drowning can't help another drowning person.
but
A person who survived a near drowning and took a lifesaving class might be a good candidate.
Yes I've been at both ends of this scenario. Ready to smack somebody who said the wrong thing at the wrong time and nearly smacked when I did it too.
It's good to live and learn from both ends of the picture.
It's also good not to get in the habit of stuffing all your problems inside and holding back from sharing them from everybody but it also is good to weigh who to share them with carefully because when you are very vulnerable you can be deeply hurt by someone who handles you callously.