Tuesday, October 21, 2008
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Should Your BFFs Be Christians Too?
The other day, a friend of mine said that a Christian's most intimate friends should be other Christians. Although none of my closest friends right now are Christians, I have to agree with the friend I was talking to earlier: I need to start praying for closer relationships with some of the sisters.
When I first got to college, I clicked with a bunch of non-Christians who eventually became a part of my tightest circle. After a couple of years though, we discovered that our worldviews are just too conflicting for us to relate with each other on a more meaningful level. We can laugh about our favorite TV shows, have a blast at dinner in the city, or crush on the cute guys who live downstairs. Maybe we can even both abstain from alcohol or share standards on how physical we would we with our boyfriends (well, if we had them...)
The thing is, although we might make some of the same choices or harbor some of the same tendencies and tastes and preferences, our motive for making those choices will ultimately be different. For example, a friend and I both decided at one point (not together, just coincidentally on our own) to abstain from excessive alcohol consumption. That is, neither of us intended to get drunk anytime soon.
She didn't like her drunken behavior because it's embarrassing/dangerous, and for me it's the same, but with the added reason that it's not very glorifying to God and it doesn't set a good example to my younger brothers and sisters in the church. We could talk about how we deal with alcohol in our social lives all we wanted to, but the conversation inevitably went to WHY we were abstaining... and then it just got uncomfortable, especially when I try getting on the "glorifying to God" part.
The difference in worldview is really coming to play now that we're college seniors and all caught up in our respective futures. Of course, we're all a little bit nervous, but we stop being able to relate with each other when they say that their efforts might lead to nothing whereas I believe in doing my best while trusting in God's plan.
I don't think that Christians are better FRIENDS, per se, but that the more grounded I become in my faith, the harder it is for me to relate with non-Christians on the optimal level of friendship. If God's at my core, and God isn't in their lives, then really, there's only so far we can go as friends.
My non-Christian friends were good for me when I first got to college, but it turns out that my choice to make more of an effort to attend church and campus ministries has stunted the growth of our relationship.
I don't know how well some of the people in church can relate to my experiences in college, but at least there's the potential for growth with my Christian acquaintances as I continue to grow in my faith. I'm kind of "growing away" from a secular lifestyle, so I don't think that same potential for growth is there with some of my old friends.
Do your best friends share your faith? Is it important to you that they do?
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Comments (34)
My father is a Catholic, my mother is a Mennonite, my stepfather is a Jew, my stepmother a Russian Orthodox, my best friend is a Jehovah's Witness, and my first love was a Muslim. If God only wanted you to associate with your own kind, why would He fill the Earth with such a fascinating variety?
Many of my closest friends are Christians, in part because of what you described. The converging of people who have similar worldviews. It's a social phenomenon which is bound to happen unless efforts are made to keep your friendships with people of other worldviews.
Personally, I don't believe in limiting myself to Christian friends. In fact, I seek to have friendships with people with many types of worldviews. I have often found this to be very possible because the people I relate to best have the same values I do, values which are universal. For example, love and compassion for others, caring appropriately for oneself, considering seriously how our actions impact the world, constantly striving to develop a fuller and more loving way of life, and questing for wisdom. I have met atheists, Muslims, Hindus, Jews, Buddhists, and Gaians who share with me those key values, and upon that foundation we have developed loving friendships in which we are perfectly comfortable discussing our sometime disparate reasons for our choices.
I think associtation is one thing as we can't morally leave the world in our time, besides we are here as witnesses. Also say you had a friend before you got saved I don't think I would automatically dump them. However Jesus was clear on being unequally yoked. Jehosophat was allied with Ahab and this brought athillia to the throne of Judah.
If we are able to at all our inner circle should be those who are also followers of the Lord Jesus Christ.
i think best friends should be Christians, all other friends can be both. why? because two people not walking in the same direction cannot be true best friends.
the best friends i've ever had are not Christians. i don't want to be judged by my religion, so i refuse to judge others on theirs.
I've had best friends who were Christians and best friends who were not, and I do think that it's easier to be best friends with Christians because we can relate to each other on a deeper level. Ultimately, in the past, my best friends and I have either influenced each other to grow stronger in our faith, or we've grown apart.
Both within and outside our religious beliefs and circles, I think that we tend to be best friends with people (or want to be best friends with people) who share our same *values*. It's our values that allow us to go beyond talking about tv shows and crushes and movies and other trivialities and get truly get to know each other in ways that will strengthen our connection.
I have very few Christian friends. One is my sister, and the others are associates. I have 2 close friends one left the church and the other is an atheist. I'm very open about my beliefs and views. They are okay with that, so far it works.
@thegreatchristopher@xanga - what
are you talking about are you even Christian? I completely agree with
what she is saying. It definitely puts a wall between you and people
without faith. It's almost impossible for it not too especially if your
strong in your beliefs. I was the same way and now that my faith has
grown, I only have 2 friends that I can deeply converse with. I've
drifted away from alot of my old friends because of their lack of
faith. We just don't see eye to eye on alot of things any more.
One of my BFFs is a Christian.
One doesn't know what she believes.
One is a complete atheist.
It's diverse. I have Buddhist friends, Jewish friends, friends of all different faiths. As long as you're respectful to me, I don't care. And as for Christians only having Christian besties, well, if your faith is too weak to withstand a bestfriend who's a nonchristian, maybe you should reexamine it.
To be drawn to other Christians is natural since their beliefs confirm your own, but I would say how close a friend is should be independent of belief. I personally prefer to have discussions of religion, motivation, and belief with those people who disagree with my view. It helps me establish and defend what I truly believe and weed out what I might otherwise espouse, but not believe. I would even go so far as to say that those people with which you can discuss significantly differing religious views and still name as friends are the ones you can absolutely count as true.
The path you describe is divisive and ultimately dangerous. It breeds peer reinforced narrow mindedness and opens the door for truly horrific actions performed in the name of God or religious purity. Radical Islam is a blaring contemporary example of the closed circle thinking you describe; albeit an extreme case.
We are supposed to sharpen eachother. How seriously does your friend who does not believe in Jesus take you most of the time when you try to get serious? Obviously we need to have these friendships with everyone so that we can be lanterns for Christ but now that I think about it a lot of them should only be acquaintances unless that person deeply respects your beliefs and faith. I think temptation in certain areas has a bigger offensive attack plan on you if you dont center your deepest relationships with Christ in the middle.
To me, a best friend is someone who encourages you to be better than you are. Someone who encourages you to grow. Someone who lifts you up and tells you the "what-for" when you need it. In my opinion, a non-Christian could not do this for me, at least not fully. Sure they could lift me up and tell me "everything's gonna be okay" or whatever, but I do not think they could do it in the way God intends. They definitely can't help me grow in my relationship with Him. They probably will not be keeping me accountable for digging into the Word or praying daily. I do not have a friend of this type, yet. I have many aquaintances--people I kind of know, people I might go to lunch with on occasion. I have few friends--people I hang out with often, people I would call if I needed to talk, people I see more often than a lunch every-so-often. Both of my friends and aquaintances categories are filled with Christians and non-Christian's alike. I think it's GREAT and even something God wants for us to have non-Christian friends. We are able to witness to them. They are able to teach us something too. I've learned a lot from these people. I do not think a BEST friend should be a non-Christian though (if you're a Christian). I just don't see how it would be possible, at least not by my definition of best friend.
God is still in people who don't believe in them. so u can be grounded with God through people who arent christians.
Two of my closest friends are Catholic like me, and two others aren't, but it doesn't really matter, because yeah, I think the friendship counts more than the faith in these issues.
unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, christians do not live in a bubble society separate from the rest of society they live in. i don't see the point in trying to make sure all my friends are christians.i just want to be friends with people i can respect and can respect me in turn (and have fun with too). a lot of my friends have just ended up being spiritual/religious and from different faiths...me and one of my Buddhist friends actually have had very similar problems in dealing with our faith and our lives. my best friend is a student at a traditional seminary though! personally, my christian friends have often been more of a hindrance then a help T_T
I can relate to your experiences as well.
one of my close friends is an avid church-goer. We exchange hymns in the hallways all the time. XD
I like to keep my closest friends separate from church friends.
And I think it's more important about having a honourable character and decent life, even though sometimes they might choose not to believe in the same religion.
Sorry to everyone who didn't get this post, but I agree totally with what you said. Best friends must be Christian, I think, if you are serious about your faith. Because otherwise you will have conflicts on things like simply the reasons why you behave the way that you do. Not that you can't have non-Christian close friends or that you can ONLY be friends with Christians but generally the people closet to you should understand and share your belief in Christ and what He did for us.
@Asok_Yeesrim@xanga - amazing, amazing answer !!!
@ashleyannaka@xanga - "They definitely can't help me grow in my relationship with Him" i don't mean to attack or be rude at all, just sharing my opinion: i don't agree. i'm a muslim and a lot of what you said and a lot of what seems to be important to you, i agree with. i have a lot of jewish and christian friends and though our religion isn't the same, our spirituality is. i have muslim friends that just don't get me like that, and i have non-muslims friends that just.. do :)
@SeitekiChibiNeko@xanga - i loved your answer. i could have said it myself, except as a muslim :D
My best friends don't share my faith and that's not all that important to me bc they are still great people
I do believe your close circle of friends should be Christians. That's not to say we can't have friends who are not Christians, but for our closest, dearest friends - they should be. True Christians know and believe that everything is founded on the Word of God. We are supposed to do everything for the glory of God. Nonbelievers are completely opposite - no matter how "good" they might seem. (I put that in quotations because the Bible says there are none who are good. But you get the idea.)
One of the most important reasons this rings true is because of what 1 Corinthians 15:33 says: "Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners." People who are not Christians behave differently than Christians just in the fact that they don't look at their choices as sin. When we expose ourselves to that way of thinking over and over, we get accustomed to it, and we start "lightening up" on our faith because of how much we love the person we're with. All of a sudden we just accept them for who they are, and because they are so good to us as a friend, we think they can't be that bad in some of the choices they are making. Even if they aren't committing the "biggies" - we start to let it slack. God doesn't want us to act better than - but He calls us to a higher standing. I believe the warning in 1 Corinthians is a warning for God's children to protect themselves from the influences of the world in the company we keep.
Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that friendship with the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God. - James 4:4
We are called to love our neighbor, but we are called to love God first!