Tuesday, October 28, 2008

  • Unforgiveness Turned Me into A Bitter Person: My Lesson of Grace and Forgiveness

    iris by miss iris

    I'm learning forgiveness and grace

    Four years ago I was wronged by someone I thought I was close to. It was one of the worse experiences in my life and while I said I forgave them I really did not forgive them in my heart. I harbored those feelings for two years until the person finally reached out to me and requested forgiveness.

    In those two years I was a mess. I worked hard, I stopped speaking with my friends because I had to "work" and I wasn't really great company some of the time. The unforgiveness that I had inside of me turned me into a bitter person and I wrestled with God to take it away from me.  Once my friend reached out to me and we spoke about the issues that we had I was better able to forgive them. I was able to forgive them based on the fact that I was now aware as to why I was wronged in the first place. This kind of forgiveness had a dependency and two years of trials for me.

    Two days ago another friend I thought I was close to wronged me. Tonight I received information that caused me such anger towards this person that all I wanted to do was to hop in my car, go to their house and tell them that I never want to speak to them again because they wronged me. I did all of that, but when I got to the last part I couldn't do it. Even before they asked for forgiveness I just felt compelled to forgive. I felt the need to just let it go.

    I must say the feeling I am experiencing now is so vastly different than the one I experienced so many years ago. I feel free, I feel happy, I feel liberated and it's all because I was able to truly forgive. God's mercy just reached through me and I am so happy to have been used by Him.

    Father, I am blessed.

    Have you ever struggled with forgiving someone? Does it get easier for you as you practice it?  

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Comments (29)

  • jmallory@xanga

    I think forgiveness is one of my streangths. I normally don't have a problem forgiving people... a person could kill my father and I think I would forgive them in a matter of 10 minutes...
    It used to not be like that though. I used to have a huge problem with forgiveness and it made me bitter... very very bitter.
  • sweetandlonelyangel@xanga

    *sigh* I wish forgiving were easy. Then I could forgive the one person that meant the most to me. Now I just wish he were dead and he never existed.
  • mashimaroboi@xanga

    Yeah, i had a hard time forgetting what my friend did to me rather than forgiving. I think in the end, it did tear me apart little by little. I hid it pretty well, and each time i saw him, i had a bit of resentment towards him.

    I mean, i understood what he did was in my best interest, but i didn't feel the need to have another "parent" figure like that.

    anyway, i think in the end, everything just kinda resolved itself without really talking.

    hug it out man...we hug it out
  • Mamabee00@xanga

    I struggle with forgiveness because when I try to forgive someone and they dont forgive me when they are the ones that wronged me, it upsets me even more. Ive always struggled with forgiving because in my family, forgiveness always meant you were saying it was okay what soemoen did to you and it wasnt. I work on forgiveness everyday. I have my successes and I have my downfalls with it.
  • U8myDimsum@xanga

    If we were in the wrong, we want forgiveness. when it's time for us to forgive, why is it so hard to take things back? simply words can't make things right when all feels lost.

  • HisTwinkleToes@xanga

    I have a hard time forgiving people. Although I say I forgive them, truly in my heart I haven't. Thank you so much for writing this. I know this is something I have to work on.
  • elittlebear@xanga

    I'd like to forgive. It's easy to say than....

    It's hard to forgive, when they don't even think they are wrong.

    @sweetandlonelyangel@xanga -

    I wish I am dead or I never exist.
  • Over_my_coffee_cup@xanga

    I agree with @elittlebear@xanga -  the worst experience I've had in forgiveness is when the person didn't think they did anything wrong,  confronting them would only bring out their defense...making it even worse and more hurtful. I do reach the place of forgiveness, but each time they drive a knife a bit deeper causing our relationship even more distance.


    Forgiveness is releasing resentment against one who has offended or hurt you - rarely a one-time event. The pain doesn't necessarily disappear once you forgive someone. And those closest to us may hurt us repeatingly, requiring us to forgive multiple times.


    Forgiveness is NOT...


    -a feeling


    -pretending you were not hurt


    -condoning what the person did to you


    -trusting the offender


    -relieving the person of responsibility
  • joycemiles@xanga

    forgiving is soooo important!!!! its always something that I could do because i would end up being the one feeling so bad if i didnt forgive them by the end of the day... its a wonderful relief for both you and the other person... thanks to God :)
  • NanasPlace@xanga

    I have truly experienced the process of forgiveness, but before actually letting go I had to come before his throne believing first that I was forgiven and that God loves me. My experiences was bitterness twice! My husband and stepson. 18 years of bitterness and only 5 years of knowing it until this year where I was delivered and set FREE! but forgiveness is a process. And getting in His word is only the beginning of the process, knowing hat God has forgiven you and loves is another. God Bless!
  • naphtali_deer@xanga

    Impossible with man, possible with God.

    I have and do struggle with forgiveness but by faith I do have the power to forgive others just as God in Christ has forgiven me because the Spirit of Christ dwells in me. His grace and power are sufficient but I must be on guard about bitter unforgiveness because I know it's one area the devil likes to get a foothold in my life and he is prowling like a lion.

    I also must admit my responsibility and confess sin since usually the fault doesn't usually lie completely with the other person.

    When I can look beyond the hurts to God, I see that God has been with me through the hurts and I know He is working it all for an eternal weight of glory and for my good (II Cor. 4:17-18; Romans 8:28), even though others may have meant it for evil, God meant it for good (Gen. 50:20).

    Thanks for this post!
  • MinnieCYLam@xanga

    Have you heard of the saying forgive and forget?


    Can I just emphasis that you should never forget until you have forgiven. But with all these unforgiveness inside you, you will become a bitter person.


    Jesus has forgiven all of us unconditionally, without any cost at all. What right do we have to unforgive?


     -“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)



    If you can't forgive seek for help, seek for advice from the word fo LORD...


    - He who says that he is in the light, and has hate in his heart for his brother, is still in the dark. He who has love for his brother is in the light, and there is no cause of error in him. But he who has hate for his brother is in the dark, walking in the dark with no knowledge of where he is going, unable to see because of the dark. (1 John 2:9- 11)


    Forgive the person then forget the situition.


    Love


    M
  • mo_chic_for_jesus@xanga

    I think that forgiveness does get easier as you do it, because the more you do it, the more you realize the benifits of it, and the harmfulness of not doing it.  That's not to say that it's always easy.  In fact, I'm convinced that it's impossible without God's grace.  I've forgiven many things in my life, by the grace of God, and I've never regretted it for a moment.
  • Roadkill_Spatula@xanga

    I have a coworker who was wronged at our workplace over the past several years. The situation was worked out in her favor eventually, but she went through a lot of agony. Now she's so bitter that none of us can stand talking with her or working with her. Her unforgiveness has no impact on the people who wronged her, but does cripple her. it also affects those of us who used to be her friends because we don't want to be around her.
  • sweet_sianara@xanga

    i was watching a video series by andy stanley and he was saying there are a few steps to forgiveness. identify the person. why you are hurting. and what they owe you and what they felt they owed you.
    it was perfect timing for me to watch the series because i was going through almost a years worth of hurt, confusion, bitterness, rejection and unforgiveness. once i identified these things i realized i had no right to hold it against the person i needed to forgive.
    its typically not that easy but like i said, i had been dealing with it for a while. once i identified what he owed me, that was it. and then i could move on. not that he didnt owe me anything. but the lord could still provide in that area. :)
  • bubblygal86@xanga

    Yep. It's one thing to really feel in your heart to forgive, but it's another when you feel as if nothing's solved or changed. I don't know why it is that I can manage to never forgive a person who hurts me, but want to end up forgiving which makes me forget about the hate and hurt I have in my heart.
  • missiris

    @sweetandlonelyangel@xanga - that's how i felt about the first story ... and I think that opened my eyes to just how far removed I was... I pray that you find the strength to forgive ...

    @elittlebear@xanga - it is definitely harder to forgive someone who thinks they did nothing wrong ... worse or have manipulated you into thinking that they are sorry when they really are not ...

  • lisagnc@xanga

    @Over_my_coffee_cup@xanga -   I couldn't have put it better myself!  This morning (just like every morning for the last couple of weeks)  I said "I forgive ...". Every day I mean it.  It is a decision
    AND a process of faith.
  • polarpaul@xanga

    Just because you forgive someone, it doesn't mean you have to forget or continue to associate with them. If they continue to mistreat you, it seems to me you're simply putting up with abuse.

    Being in a constant state of anger with them, even at a  lower level than you initially had isn't good for your health. When you're angry it's difficult to communicate with them too. I try to wait until I'm calm and the anger has subsided before trying to talk with them again.

    Forgiveness doesn't really have to do with who's right or wrong nor whether or not they've forgiven you.
  • moshimeow@xanga

    I have to agree with elittlebear's statement.... if the person has wronged and not admitting he/she is wrong, it's a real challenge to forgive that person.  However, God knows the "heart" of a person.... if he/she can let go of the hurt, then forgiveness of that person is not a problem.... though this is one challenge to overcome and learn from by faith.
  • ehrinn_l@xanga

    -my husband & i have been in three churches now as youth pastor that decided one day that they just didn't like us anymore.


    the first two don't hurt as bad anymore. but the last one brought up things that i thought i had let got of...and it was like experiencing the whole thing-all of it, all over again.


    none of it was credible.


    they think that they are right.et aside the Bibles & went after us like a mob wanting to stone someone. and i know they'd do it again...in a heartbeat.


    it's hard to let go & forgive when you know you can't heal the relationship. all you can control is your side of it, but know that there is someone out there holding something over you...that they percieve happened..they won't listen to reasoning...and you can't say sorry, you can't make it right, and they refuse to forgive (even if the problem is only in their mind...) is really hard.


    i'm still attempting to sort out the difference between forgiving... and trusting the person when they haven't repented.  
  • sarahflorida1085@xanga

    yes, i have had to forgive some pretty intense things, but doesn't the Bible say that the Bible say forgiveness isn't easy and we must forgive many times...therefore i don't think its something that is easy to do but something that we realize is necessary to do as we grow and learn so we don't "harbor bitterness", so we don't make ourselves miserable and the others around us
  • AnchoressNun@xanga

    Jesus tells us we must forgive. And He and He alone will give us the grace to do so.


    Remember that sin is primarily not against us but against God, and also that when we refuse to forgive, then we block grace from the sinner.


    Who has the right or need to do that?


    It takes willingness and humility, but once you have started to pray, then it will become easier.


    Blessings this day  
  • Royford@xanga

    I think Christianity is forgiveness.
  • JabezPrayer@xanga

    What do you do when someone close to you has been wronging you for 20 years, and never even imagines they should request forgiveness but rather makes excuses and blames you for what they are doing to you.  They also show no sign of changing their ways, or show any indication that they are sorry or think they are wrong.  What do you do?  How do you handle this?

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About this Entry

    • From: revelife
    • Posted: 10/28/2008 10:43 PM

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