Tuesday, July 01, 2008

• Challenge ~ Day 10

  
  
  

  
  

  
  This may seem at first to be a little bit like the last challenge blog I wrote. Actually, I re-read the last blog and it really got me started thinking. I love that my husband lives by "the code." It's not just chivalry, although I find that quite alluring. It's something more. It's his morals, his ethics, his character. He has integrity. He has honor.
  
  He sticks to the standards he's set for himself. He's true to his beliefs. He wont compromise, sell or in any way diminish himself when it comes to his honor. I love that my husband lives by the code. Nothing can change that. In doing so he has established it in our children. What more could I hope for? In a world devoid of honor, my husband lives by his code of honor, and instills it in our children.
  
  Don't think for a second it has been a bit easy to walk beside! There's no amount of begging, cajoling, not enough anger or tears to soften his stand when we disagree. Even if I'm sure he's wrong, or if it's something that could help a matter, that wouldn't really hurt if he just eased up a bit, if it doesn't measure up, he will not change. It's been hard, but as painful and infuriating as it is, I wouldn't have it any other way.
  
  I'm learning to be a grown-up about it. It doesn't break my heart or enrage me as much or as often any more. If it starts to, I just stop and think of the alternatives. I could have a man, like so many other men, who can't be relied on or trusted. I could always wonder where his heart and allegiance lie, what his motives are. I could watch our home turn into another "average" home where situational ethics rule, and there are no standards. A home where our children become children without a foundation, and our heritage is lost, sold, sacrificed to a more comfortable present.
  
  Standing back and looking at the big picture, through all the painful misunderstandings, in the despair of what at times seemed like rejection, through the anguish of feeling utterly set aside, through, at very least, riotous confusion, if I could change things, if it meant I could prove something, if it meant I could just say I was right, if it meant I could feel better about it, and have my say, I would not. He would have to sell his honor to achieve that. No. Not in a million lifetimes would I make such a trade. Nor in a million lifetimes would he.
  
  
  
  
  
  

  • 5:50 PM
  • 61 views
  • 2 eprops
  • 2 comments