I came across the other day about what you would say to yourself if you could go back 10 years. However, I'm going to change it up a bit, because 10 years ago, I was 12. What I'm going to do is go through and revisit all of my major mistakes, and maybe a few minor ones, and list what I would tell myself before it happened had I been given the chance.
#1: Don't lie to your parents
Accept the consequences, learn your lesson, and move on. Lying to your parents, or anyone for that matter, does not get rid of a problem for good nor does it put it off. Lying to someone about anything makes it come back exponentially worse later on. Every time you lie about a mistake, no matter how insignificant, you not only worsen the problem, but you break the trust that much more with the person your lying to. Eventually, they will find out the truth, and wil also find out that you've been lying to them all along. Looking back and thinking about how many times I lied about things that absolutely shouldn't have been lied about (not that anything is worth lying about) makes me wanna go back and just punch myself in the face and say, "What the hell are you thinking?" Lying also doesn't leave you better off, not even for a moment. When you lie, not only are you already guilty about what your lying about, you're now guilty about lying, and most deffinately worse for the wear, having not learned a potentially valuable lesson. In hindsight, lies have been the biggest mistake, and downfall, of my life so far.
#2: Spend time at work learning about how to do the job, rather than getting to know your co-workers.
I've been fired from more jobs than anyone I know. Not because I'm a bad worker, but because I'm too socialable, and too easily distracted. The chance to meet new people is, for me, the most awesome thing in the world. When I start a new job, it not only means I'll have money to spend, it also means I've got a load of new people to meet. When I know I'm going to be around a person for a prolonged period of time, I immediately start digging into their personality; who they are. I have the God-given gift of being able to be anyone's best friend, and in order to do that, I need to know what kind of person they are. I start a new job, and spend more time getting to know the people around me, than learning how to do the job I've been given. I've heard, "We really hate to let you go, as you're a really nice guy, but you're just not performing to the necessary level" more times than I can count. This mistake also applies at school, and especially in college. I failed out of college bad because I went to school out of state, lived in a dorm, and was more than ready to bag my first girlfriend. I spent loads of time socializing with my roommate (who happened to be my long lost twin brother) and my new found friends than I ever spent on homework, or studying. This was my downfall, and how I wasted $26,000 of my parents hard earned money.
#3: Don't spend your money!!!
It is my firm belief that I, more so than anyone, have a massive spending problem. I LOVE new stuff, and I only buy really expensive stuff, because I'm also a firm believer in the idea of getting what you pay for. I've picked up only the most expensive hobbies (nitro RC, paintball, computer building, etc), and I've bought some pretty rediculous stuff in my lifetime as well (cell phones, video games, musical instruments, etc) I've struggled with this problem my whole life, and my current financial stand point (or lack there of) is living proof of this. Had I saved even 10% of the money I've made in my life so far, I would be living in my own house, and driving a brand new Jetta, rather than living in a low-income, ghetto apartment, barely making ends meat. Thank God my bank doesn't "return checks," or I'd probably be in jail. For this problem, I could realy use a good bitch-slap.
#4: Do not hang out with dependant peoples. You are not a psychiatrist OR a bank
As mistake #2 says, I am a very socialable person, and I enjoy being able to befriend anyone. I also love to help people who really need help, and it's this nicitie that actually draws me toward people who are totally dependant of others. In college, I searched out a girl with psychological problems that to date because I for some reason thought I was capable of helping such a person. When I found one, and dated her for an excruciatingly painful year, I finally came to the conclusion, only after she and I moved back to our respective ends of the country and were forced apart from there on, that I couldn't help her anymore. I would love to go back to before I met her, and make sure I knew that my life would be a living Hell if I were to go anywhere near her. My passion for helping people isn't limited to those with psych problems, however. After college, I got a job making more money than I had ever seen. Of course, mistake #3 kicked in, and I went out in search of people in need of financial help. People who weren't experiencing life because they couldn't afford to go out into the world and have fun. I found a few, and dragged them around with me everywhere, using up all my money keeping them happy with trips to the most expensive bowling alley in the area (because "you get what you pay for"), meals at really nice restaurants (because I love good food, and, hec, who doesn't?), and all kinds of tobacco products (hey, the man needs his fix!). I literally spent thousands of dollars just so I could hang out with a group of people I called my "friends." Real friends don't cost anything, and I now realize, only after going through the pain of it all, that these people were not my friends. They were leeches who were either too lazy, or too stupid to achieve their own independence.
#5: Do NOT have sex before marriage
I could go deep, and get real personal on this one (I am a risk taker like that), but I'm gonna spare you the details. Having sex before marriage, especially for me, being a Christian, is not fun at all. The reason I did it was because I, like my parents before me, am a perfectionist, for one, and for two, I want to be the best husband I can be when the time comes. I thought being "unable to perform to my wife's standards" would be the worst feeling ever, and that doing it right would require much practice and experience. A real relationship, meaning one between a husband and wife (because relationships before that are truely meaningless), doesn't require extreme sexual prowess. Sex is what you do when you want kids, not just something you do whenever you feel like "geting off." Too much? If so, I'm sorry. Next...
#6: Do not start smoking/chewing/drinking
I hate smoking with a passion [lights a cigarette], but for some reason I still do it. It's a social thing, really, and you already know how much I love socializing. Some of the best conversations I've been involved in, and some of the times I've laughed the hardest, have been sitting outside of work, or outside a mall, or anywhere for that matter, on a bench with smokers. I light up a cigarette next to a person I've never seen before, and will probably never see again, and instantly we have something in common, and can be best friends for the two and a half minutes it takes to finish a cigarette. It's killing my lungs, and not being able to quit (even though every day I beg God to take me home me before I light up another one) is driving me up the wall. Having no support, and hanging around people who smoke is probably why I still do it, but being a strong-willed person, I can't help but wonder why I just can't do it. Chewing is just gross, and drinking leads to mistake #5.
I'm pretty sure that sums everything up, at least all that I can think of right now. If you could go back and fix your mistakes, what would you fix? What would your life be like had you not made those mistakes?
Comments (7)
Yeah, smoking can be hard to quit.
most smokers want to quit, but they don't have the willpower to..and try 3 times ++
@scyer - I've tried quitting 50-100 times. I don't know why I can't do it. I don't even enjoy smoking. Force of habit, perhaps. Thanks for the comment!
Dude, I love your blogs! They're thought-provoking. Ok, mistakes I would change--that's a toughie, because one of the biggest mistakes I made (marriage at 17 to an abuser) also brought me the biggest joy of my life, my daughter. So, I can't use that one. LOL
Smoking is definitely one. I started at age 11 (that's 27 years ago) and quit during pregnancy and once in the 90s for 3 years. So that leads me to mistake #2, starting again. Don't know why I did. That's untrue, I do know why. I had gained 50 pounds when I quit and I was disgusted with myself. So I thought, if quitting made me gain, starting again might help me lose--WRONG!! I've been smoking again for 8 years and am still 50 pounds overweight.
Which leads to mistake #3: I was always very thin in high school, without having to try (I would eat a whole sleeve of Oreos every day after school and never gained an ounce). I thought that after childbirth I would go right back to my skinny old self. I was wrong again, but not only was I wrong about that, I did nothing to try and lose the weight. I just expected it would fall off eventually. Twenty years later, still fat.
#4: Drugs. I'm a relatively well-adjusted person, been a Christian most of my life. But I'm also naturally curious about things, which led to my eagerness to try new things. Cocaine, meth, mushrooms, ecstasy, pot, many many types of RX drugs. Done them all, and although I had no problems quitting when I was ready, it led to financial problems and family problems.
#5: Lying. For someone who hates confrontation, lying is the only way to avoid it sometimes. I know it's wrong, and I've become more conscious of it. I can't remember the last time I lied, but I know I've done it way more than I should.
#6: Infidelity. I always prided myself on being faithful, but one time I slipped. I owned up to it immediately and my marriage became stronger because of it. But it could have easily gone the other way. Even though we made it, when I think of the pain I inflicted on my husband because of my selfishness, it just makes me sick to my stomach.
Thanks again for a great post, and God bless you!
@abchurch006@xanga - Thanks a lot for your comment! My parents have always communicated "serious" stuff indirectly with me, because they also are afraid of confrontation. Their doing so has kept me from learning how to (and how not to) confront somebody when necessary. I'm trying really hard to get serious with people when I need to, but I'm still having trouble even looking them in the eye. Thanks again.
~*I read it. It was pretty long, yet, truly worth the time I took to read it all. ^___^ thanks for sharing & I hope someday...soon...I'll make a good use of any....
Again, thank you so much for replying back on my comment. I very appreciate it.
It was nice talking to you.
Peace~
#4, 5, and 6....I think we might be the same person....
interesting how perfectionism, the thing that would logically keep us from having sex, is what brings it about, isn't it?
Right now I'm quitting smoking so I can date this girl....she won't date a smoker, and I really like her....but let's be honest, I just had one 4 minutes ago....
Who knew nicotine was addictive?
@sheepthatsblack@xanga - If we didn't know nicotine was addicting, it would be much easier to quit. Knowing it's addicting gives us an excuse when after having said we're quitting we light up another one. "I can't quit because I'm addicted to nicotine." If we didn't know nicotine was addictive, but did know smoking was bad for us, it would give us a more simple reason like, "I really need another cigarette, but only becaus it's a habit I've developed." Thanks for commenting.